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Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? YRe3K
In today’s world, many children enjoy their childhood with a huge number of toys provided by their parents. Although this practice has some advantages related to early childhood education, it also brings drawbacks to children’s mental health. One of the main benefits of buying toys for kids is to serve educational purposes. Playing with interactive games indeed helps children develop their skills and learn naturally. There are many kinds of toys designed to facilitate this objective. For example, LEGO and Rubik are invented with the purpose to enhance the logical thinking of children as well as to keep them calm and patient. If kids play together with their friends, they can also learn the way to communicate efficiently and corporate with others. Despite the positive effects detailed above, there are still some disadvantages related to the mental health development of children. Parents often purchase toys for their child with the belief that these playthings can compensate for the timing for children lost due to busy work. However, as children spend less time with their parents, this discourages them from sharing emotions with family members. Additionally, children who play with toys alone can become less active than their peers. In an unexpected result, children would become introverts with poor social skills and family ties could also be weakened through time. In conclusion, though playing with toys obviously benefits children by providing efficient ways of learning, spending too much time with playthings could negatively affect children’s personality and family connection. Parents, therefore, should accompany the growing up of their child with full attention.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enjoy their childhood with a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
provided by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Although this practice has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages related to early childhood education, it
also
brings drawbacks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
mental health.

One of the main benefits of buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for kids is to serve educational purposes. Playing with interactive games
indeed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and learn
naturally
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
designed to facilitate this objective.
For example
, LEGO and Rubik
are invented
with the purpose to enhance the logical thinking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as well
as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them calm and patient. If kids play together with their friends, they can
also
learn the way to communicate
efficiently
and corporate with others.

Despite the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects detailed above, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages related to the mental health development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for their child with the belief that these playthings can compensate for the timing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lost due to busy work.
However
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend less time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, this discourages them from sharing emotions with family members.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who play with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
alone can become less active than their peers. In an unexpected result,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would become introverts with poor social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and family ties could
also
be weakened
through time.

In conclusion
, though playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
obviously
benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by providing efficient ways of learning, spending too much time with playthings could
negatively
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
personality and family connection.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
,
therefore
, should accompany the growing up of their child with full attention.
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IELTS essay Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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