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Some parents are worried about the increasing amount of violence on TV, video games and other time of entertainment for children’s leisure. How does this affect children? How can it be solved?

Some parents are worried about the increasing amount of violence on TV, video games and other time of entertainment for children’s leisure. How does this affect children? How can it be solved? 8jkw
Nowadays parents are worried about enormous amount of violence on TV, video games and some other types of entertainment for children’s pleasure. The aforementioned school of thought could divert child’s mind towards crime. However, this problem can be solved by engaging children in physical activities. There is no doubt that children’s play stations and TV cartoons contain huge quantity of violent material. This is quite worrisome for the parents because it could wash a child’s brain and lead them to criminal activities later in their life. The latest 3D technology in video games and TV channels further enhances children attraction. They try to perform those actions in their daily life. For example a study at Oxford University in 2017 clearly indicated the factors which lead a child to commit crimes in later part of their lives. One of most significant in them is watching violent content during childhood. The problem discussed could be overcome by engaging children in outdoor activities. The interest of children in outdoor physical activities could be increased by accompanying them and patting them when they perform well in their sports. This will gradually divert them towards more sports activities outside than staying indoor. For example a study at University of California in 2019 shows that parents who accompanies children in their games and sports outdoor are more likely to cope with indoor activities especially video games. In conclusion, this essay showcased the problem associated with violent content among children and its solution. The most important impact of such violent material is development of criminal mind in later part of life of children. However, this dilemma could be counter easily by encouraging children for outside physical activities
Nowadays parents
are worried
about enormous amount of violence on TV, video games and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other types of entertainment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
pleasure. The aforementioned school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
could divert child’s mind towards crime.
However
, this problem can
be solved
by engaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in physical activities.

There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
play stations and TV cartoons contain huge quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
material. This is quite worrisome for the parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it could wash a child’s brain and lead them to criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
later in their life. The latest 3D technology in video games and TV channels
further
enhances
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
attraction. They try to perform those actions in their daily life.
For example
a study at Oxford University in 2017
clearly
indicated the factors which lead a child to commit crimes in later part of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. One of most significant in them is watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
content during childhood.

The problem discussed could
be overcome
by engaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. The interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in outdoor physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
could
be increased
by accompanying them and patting them when they perform well in their sports. This will
gradually
divert them towards more sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
outside than staying indoor.
For example
a study at University of California in 2019
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that parents who accompanies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their games and sports outdoor are more likely to cope with indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
especially
video games.

In conclusion
, this essay showcased the problem associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
content among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and its solution. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
impact of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
material is development of criminal mind in later part of life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, this dilemma could be counter
easily
by encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for outside physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities

IELTS essay Some parents are worried about the increasing amount of violence on TV, video games and other time of entertainment for children’s leisure. How does this affect children? How can it be solved?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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