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Some museums and art galleries charge admission fees, while others have free entry. Do you think the advantages of charging for admission outweigh the disadvantages?

Some museums and art galleries charge admission fees, while others have free entry. Do you think the advantages of charging for admission outweigh the disadvantages? BGp6
In this modern world, it is commonly believed that the location such as museums or art galleries should furnish not cost entrance fees while others argue that to impose entry charges. This essay will discuss about good and poor impact on levy of admission charges in museums and will recommend how its benefits outweigh their detriments. First and foremost, there are numerous advantages of charging entry fees on museum and art galleries. Firstly, in both of the institute, a plenty countable staffs are required to care for the place and they need to benefit sufficient salary. The amount received by people through arrival can be contributed to the welfare of the employees. Secondly, the cost of maintenance of these venues are extremely soaring. The monuments places in art galleries and museum needs to be checked on regular basis and if any damage occurs, cost of the same can be utilized from the revenue received from the entry fees. To illustrate, recently a statue in museum of Japan got damaged by earthquake and the cost incurred on redevelopment was withdraw from the fees. In contradiction, apart from its quality impact there are many negative results in charging admission fees. One of the disadvantages is that there will be increase in crime rate. Due to the free entry in museums and other places, there are high prospect that things such as sculpture and other historic objects can be stolen. For instance, recently an art gallery in Mumbai due to the non-demand of entrance charges things such as old paintings were robbed and there were no people to look after it. In conclusion, museums and art galleries includes many precious materials and imposing an entrance fees has many pros such as employment opportunities, preservation charges can easily outweigh its cons which are experiencing any criminal act and other factors.
In this modern world, it is
commonly
believed that the location such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
should furnish not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
while others argue that to impose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charges
. This essay will discuss about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and poor impact on levy of admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charges
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and will recommend how its benefits outweigh their detriments.

First
and foremost, there are numerous advantages of charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
.
Firstly
, in both of the institute, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
countable
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "staff"?
staffs
are required
to care for the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
place and
they need to benefit sufficient salary. The amount received by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
through arrival can
be contributed
to the welfare of the employees.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of maintenance of these venues are
extremely
soaring. The monuments
You should probably use "place".
places
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
needs to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
on regular basis and if any damage occurs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of the same can
be utilized
from the revenue received from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
. To illustrate, recently a statue in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
of Japan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
damaged by earthquake and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
incurred on redevelopment was
Consider using a past participle here: "withdrawn".
withdraw
from the fees.

In contradiction, apart from its quality impact there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results in charging admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
. One of the disadvantages is that there will be increase in crime rate. Due to the free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
places, there are high prospect that things such as sculpture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
historic objects can
be stolen
.
For instance
, recently an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
in Mumbai due to the non-demand of entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charges
things such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
paintings
were robbed
and there were no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to look after it.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
precious materials and imposing an entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pros such as employment opportunities, preservation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charges
can
easily
outweigh its cons which are experiencing any criminal act and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors.
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IELTS essay Some museums and art galleries charge admission fees, while others have free entry. Do you think the advantages of charging for admission outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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