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some governments spend a lot of public money training up individuals to be successful in international sporting events. some people believe that this money should be spent on things that will benefit the general public instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

some governments spend a lot of public money training up individuals to be successful in international sporting events. some people believe that this money should be spent on things that will benefit the general public instead. Naqb
Money collected from taxation is a national treasure. While some government highly finance the sports sector, many argue that tax money should be use for public. I strongly believe that national budget should benefit the payers primarily and considerable reasons behind this are being discussed in subsequent paragraphs. Firstly, government should spend the funds to fulfil the basic necessities of their people. In other words, ministry always have limited capital; so, the daily requirements of average man like food, shelter and clothing should be satisfied at first place. Participation of athletes in sports events can delay for some time but hungry man cannot wait for the food. Hance, it should be the prime responsibility of nation to fund the poor man for his daily needs instead of spending extravagantly for international games. Take Canada as an example, the priority has given to the common man by allocating significant budget via Canadian benefit plan for their survival in pandemic. Secondly, Health and education are another crucial sector than games. The responsible tax payers expect from the state authorities to construct progressive study system for their children. Moreover, it is pointless to waste lot of people's money to train a sportsperson rather than establishing advanced health sector for general public. Medicare and schools should be in the priority list of ruling party during the budget expenditure. For example, The Germany spent huge amount in pharmaceutical to produce Covid-19 vaccine radically to save the lives of citizens and postponed the gaming affairs. In conclusion, it is not logical approach to fund fun fields blindly; therefore, before generating national revenue, general public demands should be taken into consideration
Money collected from taxation is a national treasure. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
highly
finance the sports sector,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
argue that tax money should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for public. I
strongly
believe that national budget should benefit the payers
primarily
and considerable reasons behind this are
being discussed
in subsequent paragraphs.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend the funds to fulfil the
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
In other words
, ministry always have limited capital;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the daily requirements of average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
like food, shelter and clothing should
be satisfied
at
first
place. Participation of athletes in sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
can delay for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
hungry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
cannot wait for the food.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hance
, it should be the prime responsibility of nation to fund the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
for his daily needs
instead
of spending
extravagantly
for international games. Take Canada as an example, the priority has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
by allocating significant budget via Canadian benefit plan for their survival in pandemic.

Secondly
, Health and education are another crucial sector than games. The responsible tax payers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
from the state authorities to construct progressive study system for their children.
Moreover
, it is pointless to waste lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's money to train a sportsperson
rather
than establishing advanced health sector for
Consider using "public".
general public
. Medicare and schools should be in the priority list of ruling party during the budget expenditure.
For example
, The Germany spent huge amount in pharmaceutical to produce Covid-19 vaccine
radically
to save the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of citizens and postponed the gaming affairs.

In conclusion
, it is not logical approach to fund fun fields
blindly
;
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
generating national revenue,
Consider using "public".
general public
demands should
be taken
into consideration
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IELTS essay some governments spend a lot of public money training up individuals to be successful in international sporting events. some people believe that this money should be spent on things that will benefit the general public instead.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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