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At school greater emphasis should be placed on an appreciation of the built as well as the natural environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

At school greater emphasis should be placed on an appreciation of the built as well as the natural environment. 5J9n
It is a fact that modern societies expect students and prospective professionals to have all the knowledge and skills. Therefore, it is necessary to appreciate an idea that school children should be aware of the natural environment, as the architecture of buildings has played a vital role in our lives. First of all, knowledge of the built environment will be of great importance for building patriotism which is a vital aspect of education in any country. Children need to learn to recognize different types of buildings, especially those of historical significance. This will help them learn more about the history of their nation and understand their story line in a unique way instead of reading a history book. Thus, it will help them build a deeper relationship with their motherland country. Furthermore, education is important for possession and cultivation from early ages. For example, if students have the opportunity to get relative with the concept of architecture early in their lives, perhaps in the future they will be great architects designing beautiful buildings to beautify the world. Also, children learning to respect not only the artificial environment through the buildings but also the natural environment. Thanks to such as an approach, they are less likely to destroy surroundings by writing graffiti on the walls of establishments or dropping garbage nearby. In conclusion, although the knowledge of natural environment it is vital for the children lives, we should not mistreat the benefits of architecture. Learning about man-made environment and how can beautify the world, will develop children’s general education.
It is a fact that modern societies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
students and prospective professionals to have all the knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Therefore
, it is necessary to appreciate an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be aware of the natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, as the architecture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
has played a vital role in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, knowledge of the built
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
will be of great importance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
patriotism which is a vital aspect of education in any country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
need to learn to recognize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
,
especially
those of historical significance. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them learn more about the history of their nation and understand their story line
Consider replacing "in a unique way" with the adverb for "unique"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a unique way
instead
of reading a history book.
Thus
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them build a deeper relationship with their motherland country.

Furthermore
, education is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for possession and cultivation from early ages.
For example
, if students have the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relative with the concept of architecture early in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, perhaps in the future they will be great architects designing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
to beautify the world.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learning to respect not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the artificial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. Thanks to such as an approach, they are less likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
surroundings by writing graffiti on the walls of establishments or dropping garbage nearby.

In conclusion
, although the knowledge of natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
it is vital for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, we should not mistreat the benefits of architecture. Learning about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
and how can beautify the world, will develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
general education.
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IELTS essay At school greater emphasis should be placed on an appreciation of the built as well as the natural environment.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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