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Some governments spend a lot of public money training individuals to be successful in international sporting events. Some people believe that this money should be spent on things that will benefit the general public instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some governments spend a lot of public money training individuals to be successful in international sporting events. Some people believe that this money should be spent on things that will benefit the general public instead. yXR2d
Sports has been and continues to be one of the most common forms of entertainment throughout history. Games play a huge role in our lives. The more athletes play well, the more fun and thrilling the play becomes. Sportsmen, on the other hand, need financial assistance in order to achieve a successful result. Hence, I disagree that the government should reduce their expenditure on sports. In this essay, I am going to emphasise the importance of government funding in national sports clubs. First, every country wishes to demonstrate that it is the best in the world. There are several avenues to demonstrate this, and one of them is sports. Every year, multiple international tournaments take place all over the world. Some countries do exceptionally well and some struggle at the bottom. This is because the authorities keep a certain percentage for the physical events. Second, success in international games puts a country together. For example, a soccer team, the entire country or city celebrates the victory or loss of their team or club. People were extremely passionate about their team and team players. Their wins boost public confidence and sway sentiment for months. Third, for any athlete to be successful the government should not only invest in physical health but this mental health as well. Due to negative publicity, the focus of the players gets hampered. The state must take care and protest their starts as they are representing the nation. And he or she ought to be in their best forms. To summarise, sport has the potential to unite people together. When a country fails in any tournaments, it hurts the people's confidence. I strongly believe that policymakers should support sports clubs and athletes.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "sport has".
Sports has
been and continues to be one of the most common forms of entertainment throughout history. Games play a huge role in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The more athletes play well, the more fun and thrilling the play becomes. Sportsmen,
on the other hand
, need financial assistance in order to achieve a successful result.
Hence
, I disagree that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their expenditure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In this essay, I am going to
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
the importance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funding in national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
clubs.

First
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
wishes to demonstrate that it is the best in the world. There are several avenues to demonstrate this, and one of them is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Every year, multiple international tournaments take place all over the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
do
exceptionally
well and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
struggle at the bottom. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a certain percentage for the physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

Second, success in international games puts a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
together.
For example
, a soccer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
, the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
or city celebrates the victory or loss of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
or club.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
were
extremely
passionate about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
players. Their wins boost public confidence and sway sentiment for months.

Third, for any athlete to be successful the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
invest in physical health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this mental health
as well
. Due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
publicity, the focus of the players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
hampered. The state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take care and protest their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
as they are representing the nation. And he or she ought to be in their best forms.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
has the potential to unite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
together. When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
fails in any tournaments, it hurts the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's confidence. I
strongly
believe that policymakers should support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
clubs and athletes.
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IELTS essay Some governments spend a lot of public money training individuals to be successful in international sporting events. Some people believe that this money should be spent on things that will benefit the general public instead.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
285 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Some governments spend a lot of public money training individuals to be successful in international sporting events. Some people believe that this money should be spent on things that will benefit the general public instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.