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Some educationalists say that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some educationalists say that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. kYe98
In this modern life, people perform at least one musical instrument, which will give them more opportunities to develop in the future. Some schoolteachers say that every student should learnhow to play musical sounds. Personally, I agree with the opinion for the two reasons that it helps the learners develop intelligence and discover their hobbies. On the one hand, it is somehow reasonable to say that every students should not learn how to play musical sounds. Firstly, this can be a time-consuming journey that takes a lifetime of dedication. For example, for a child to be skillful enough, children must not only undergo several years with trainers but also allocate plentiful time for self-practice. As a result, all students will bored and do not want to learn. Secondly, learning music performances may be expensive as well. A good example, parents must pay for weekly music lessons, books, concerts, costumes, examination fees, or musical instruments. So, not all families can facilitate or afford their offspring’s musical instrument pursuits. On the other hand, it is hard to deny that learning a musical instrument will be good for many people. The first reason is that people perform at least one musical instrument, which helps children develop intelligence. For instance, many studies have consistently illustrated that learning a musical instrument can improve children’s critical thinking, problem-solving skills, language performance, and memory. Therefore, music skills are likely to lead to other intellectual capacities. The second reason is that being able to play a musical instrument can be a mentally and physically healthy hobby. Namely, children can grow up with positive emotional states nurtured by the rhymes and melodies they play. Thus, this can help children minimize using electronic gadgets or playing video games which are certainly problematic for them if they abuse these activities. In conclusion, while it is true that music lessons can cause financial and time issues to some, it is my perspective that children, especially those with an aptitude for music, should have the opportunity to learn a musical instrument.
In this modern life,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
perform at least one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
, which will give them more opportunities to develop in the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
schoolteachers say that every student should
Possible spelling mistake found.
learnhow
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
sounds.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion for the two reasons that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the learners develop intelligence and discover their hobbies.

On the one hand, it is somehow reasonable to say that every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "student"?
students
should not learn how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
sounds.
Firstly
, this can be a time-consuming journey that takes a lifetime of dedication.
For example
, for a child to be skillful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
undergo several years with trainers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
allocate plentiful time for self-practice.
As a result
, all students will bored and do not want to learn.
Secondly
, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
performances may be expensive
as well
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example, parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay for weekly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
lessons, books, concerts, costumes, examination fees, or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instruments
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, not all families can facilitate or afford their offspring’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
pursuits.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to deny that learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The
first
reason is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
perform at least one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
develop intelligence.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies have
consistently
illustrated that learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
critical thinking, problem-solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, language performance, and memory.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are likely to lead to other intellectual capacities. The second reason is that being able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
can be a mentally and
physically
healthy hobby.
Namely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can grow up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
emotional states nurtured by the rhymes and melodies they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
.
Thus
, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
minimize using electronic gadgets or playing video games which are
certainly
problematic for them if they abuse these activities.

In conclusion
, while it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
lessons can cause financial and time issues to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, it is my perspective that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
especially
those with an aptitude for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, should have the opportunity to learn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
instrument
.
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IELTS essay Some educationalists say that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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