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Some employer are giving increased importance to employing people who have social skills in addition to good qualification. Agree or disagree?

Some employer are giving increased importance to employing people who have social skills in addition to good qualification. Agree or disagree? 2xYwM
Some individuals would argue that most of the companies give more emphasizing on recruitment of that employes who have highly experience to attend people alongwith better knowledge. I totally accord with this statement that this skills helpful to enhance the goodwill of organisation and moreover, build up the correlation between people. To commence with, the primary objective of social skill is to maintain the status of company in society which is one of the mandatory extremely. For enhancing the status, employes should have ability to make better communication with their customers. Since consumers like to do shopping on that malls where employes welcome to buyers with smiling face as well as telling about every type of qualities about product and can easily know about preference of buyers. For instance, teacher can attend parents of their students on parent's meet if they have social skills otherwise tutor can fail to convey proper message to parents. Therefore, social skills bring profit to the organisation by attracting more consumers towards their company as well as sale more products through good behaviour. Furthermore, the second benefit of this skill is make better correlation among staff and even countries. A employee who work in an organisation, sometimes that employee may chance to make any genre of presentation although a person cannot impress to everyone with the help of only education even he should have social experience to make impression on everyone for acquiring good positioning in company. With the help of this skills, a industry can make better connection with overseas countries and trading with them which leads to company acquire high positioned out of other companies. To recapitulate, no one can deny that social skills is must for living better life but individual cannot totally ignored education because every person who achieve high positioning, they have education and social skills.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals would argue that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
give more emphasizing on recruitment of that
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "employs", the plural form of the noun 'employ'?
employes
who have
highly
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "experienced".
experience
to attend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
alongwith
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
knowledge. I
totally
accord with this statement that
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
helpful to enhance the goodwill of
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
and
moreover
, build up the correlation between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. To commence with, the primary objective of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
is to maintain the status of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
in society which is one of the mandatory
extremely
. For enhancing the status,
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "employs", the plural form of the noun 'employ'?
employes
should have ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
communication with their customers. Since consumers like to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go shopping".
do shopping
on that malls where
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "employs", the plural form of the noun 'employ'?
employes
welcome to buyers with smiling face
as well
as telling about every type of qualities about product and can
easily
know about preference of buyers.
For instance
, teacher can attend parents of their students on parent's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
if they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
otherwise
tutor can fail to convey proper message to parents.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
bring profit to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
by attracting more consumers towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
as well
as sale more products through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Furthermore
, the second benefit of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
correlation among staff and even countries.
Use "An" instead of 'A' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
A
employee who work in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
that employee may chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
any genre of presentation although a person cannot impress to everyone with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
education even he should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
experience to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
impression on everyone for acquiring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
positioning in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
industry can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
connection with overseas countries and trading with them which leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
acquire high positioned out of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. To recapitulate, no one can deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
individual cannot
totally
The verb 'cannot' requires the base form of the verb: "ignore"
ignored
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every person who achieve high positioning, they have education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
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IELTS essay Some employer are giving increased importance to employing people who have social skills in addition to good qualification. Agree or disagree?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
306 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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