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In many countries, the law says that people must attend school until they become 18 years old. Does the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries, the law says that people must attend school until they become 18 years old. Does the advantage outweigh the disadvantages? J3MRj
It has been observed that in several nations, either developed or underdeveloped, the constitution focus on the compulsory attendance of masses in school till they become adult. In my perspective, it is more lucrative for individuals to get employment and ameliorate their living standards. To commence with, looking at its advantageous aspects, if people get education till they become mature; then, they can get the desired job. To exemplify it, education assists the masses in acquiring knowledge about basic mathematical skills such as basic subtraction, addition and also improving communication skills in the language. It prepares the masses for future jobs. After completing their secondary education, they will be able to earn bread and butter, and their small earning also help them to get territory education get more wages after getting a degree. Moreover, they also can make their lifestyle better as they will be aware of tidiness, moral values, and kind gestures. In this way, they will be able to lead a prosperous life. On the other hand, some persons opine that attending a school will not help them to make both ends meet. It takes a lot of time to collect the knowledge. Besides, paying school fees is an expensive affair. They only focus on their present, and they are entirely unaware of the future outcomes. However, in reality, such kinds of people always get lower wages than literate people. They are neither capable of getting an education nor white-collar jobs. As a matter of fact, they are unable to upgrade their living standards. Thus, initial education helps masses alot to make them up to date and have a balanced personality. To conclude, in consideration of the above analysis, it is ostensible that attending school is mandatory for the persons to upgrade their lifestyle and to make both ends meet. It has other additional benefits, namely acquiring moral values, a kind gesture, and to name but a few. Certainly, the benefits are greater than the demerits.
It has
been observed
that in several nations, either developed or underdeveloped, the constitution focus on the compulsory attendance of masses in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
till they become adult. In my perspective, it is more lucrative for individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employment and ameliorate their living standards.

To commence with, looking at its advantageous aspects, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
till they become mature; then, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the desired job. To exemplify it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
assists the masses in acquiring knowledge about basic mathematical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as basic subtraction, addition and
also
improving communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the language. It prepares the masses for future jobs. After completing their secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, they will be able to earn bread and butter, and their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
earning
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
territory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more wages after getting a degree.
Moreover
, they
also
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their lifestyle better as they will be aware of tidiness, moral values, and kind gestures. In this way, they will be able to lead a prosperous life.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
persons opine that attending a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
both ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
. It takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time to collect the knowledge.
Besides
, paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
fees is an expensive affair. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on their present, and they are
entirely
unaware of the future outcomes.
However
, in reality, such kinds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lower wages than literate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. They are neither capable of getting an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
nor white-collar jobs. As a matter of fact, they are unable to upgrade their living standards.
Thus
, initial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
masses
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them up to date and have a balanced personality.

To conclude
, in consideration of the above analysis, it is ostensible that attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is mandatory for the persons to upgrade their lifestyle and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
both ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
. It has other additional benefits,
namely
acquiring moral values, a kind gesture, and to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few.
Certainly
, the benefits are greater than the demerits.
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IELTS essay In many countries, the law says that people must attend school until they become 18 years old. Does the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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