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Some countries have become much richer than others. Richer countries should now help poorer countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

As trade and investment between countries have developed over the last 50 years, some countries have increased their wealth greatly, while others have not benefited very much. It is clear that it is now necessary for richer countries to help less well-off countries to develop. Most importantly, if richer countries assist poorer countries, perhaps by giving them aid, sharing their knowledge, or by allowing them to export their products to the richer countries, the lives of millions of people will be improved. With additional income and expertise, poor countries could improve their health, transport and education systems and create extra jobs, improving the lives of their citizens. Richer countries could also benefit. As other countries become wealthier and more developed, markets for the products of richer countries, such as banking services, luxury items and education courses will increase. If they have more money, poorer countries might also invite companies from richer countries to become involved with construction projects or consultancy. In addition, various problems that affect wealthy nations, like movements of people looking for better living conditions, may be reduced. Finally, equality between countries creates international friendship. When countries assist each other, ideas are exchanged and people move between countries, increasing knowledge and awareness of other cultures and ideas. Such exchanges help to improve relationships between countries and, provided richer countries do not expect too much in return for their help, lead to a reduction of suspicion and distrust. In short, there are significant economic and political benefits when countries with many resources offer help to others. Rather than being an act of charity, such help is an investment that can benefit everyone involved.
As trade and investment between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have developed over the last 50 years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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countries
have increased their wealth
greatly
, while others have not benefited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
necessary for
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richer
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countries
to
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help
less well-off
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countries
to develop.

Most
importantly
, if
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richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
assist poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, perhaps by giving them aid, sharing their knowledge, or by allowing them to export their products to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. With additional income and expertise, poor
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countries
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health, transport and education systems and create extra jobs, improving the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of their citizens.

Richer
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countries
could
also
benefit. As
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
become wealthier and more developed, markets for the products of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, such as banking services, luxury items and education courses will increase. If they have more money, poorer
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countries
might
also
invite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to become involved with construction projects or consultancy.
In addition
, various problems that affect wealthy nations, like movements of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
looking for better living conditions, may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

Finally
, equality between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
creates international friendship. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
assist each
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other
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
are exchanged
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
between
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countries
, increasing knowledge and awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. Such exchanges
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help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
relationships between
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countries
and, provided
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richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
too much in return for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
, lead to a reduction of suspicion and distrust.

In short, there are significant economic and political benefits when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
resources offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to others.
Rather
than being an act of charity, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
is an investment that can benefit everyone involved.
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IELTS essay Some countries have become much richer than others. Richer countries should now help poorer countries. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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