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Some countries have become much richer than others. Richer countries should now help poorer countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

There is an enormous disparity of wealth amongst different countries in globe. Some become prosperous while others remain in poverty. So, here comes the debate, whether richer countries should aid the needy or not? In my view, I strongly believe that well-to-do countries need to help the poor ones. To begin with, Some countries due to lack of prosperity, remain underdeveloped in fields such as health care, technology, infrastructure etc. , . If this condition needs to be changed, developed nations should provide funds to those in need. For instance, during this COVID pandemic, many people across the world died due to improper facilities. By seeing this, a lot of generous people donated funds to stabilize those regions. Adding to my notion, distributing wealth equally will promote the advancements in poor nations too. Nowadays, scientific inventions become limited to the developed countries, whereas plethora of talented scientists and inventions remain hidden in poor areas. If wealthy countries come forward to promote those talents, on the whole, can see many developments. Admittedly, improper governance or corruption, stands responsible for wealth disparity but not in majority. Last but not least, this help to the poorer, also raise their standard of livelihood. Many regions are starving without basic necessities as a result of natural calamities. Consequently, it made them to indulge in illegal activities, as there is no source to recover. Additionally, it paves the way for illiteracy as they cannot afford proper education. Undeniably, some measures are being taken by the affluent people in aiding the sufferers, by adapting small villages, providing free education to those poor children. To recapitulate, currently, the assistance to the underdeveloped/developing by the developed nations is highly needed. Though this is carried out by some billionaires on smaller scale, it would be much better if it is carried out on larger scale, from one country government to another.
There is an enormous disparity of wealth amongst
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in globe.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
become prosperous while others remain in poverty.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, here
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
the debate, whether richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should aid the needy or not? In my view, I
strongly
believe that well-to-do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
ones.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
due to lack of prosperity, remain underdeveloped in fields such as health care, technology, infrastructure etc.
Did you just mean “,” or “.”?
, .
If this condition needs to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, developed nations should provide funds to those in need.
For instance
, during this
Did you mean “COVID-19” or the alternative spelling “Covid-19” (= coronavirus)?
COVID
pandemic,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
across the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
due to improper facilities. By seeing this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
generous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
donated funds to stabilize those regions.

Adding to my notion, distributing wealth
equally
will promote the advancements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
nations too. Nowadays, scientific inventions become limited to the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, whereas plethora of talented scientists and inventions remain hidden in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
areas. If wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward to promote those talents,
on the whole
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developments.
Admittedly
, improper governance or corruption, stands responsible for wealth disparity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not in majority.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the poorer,
also
raise their standard of livelihood.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
regions are starving without
Consider using “necessities”.
basic necessities
as a result
of natural calamities.
Consequently
, it made them to indulge in illegal activities, as there is no source to recover.
Additionally
, it paves the way for illiteracy as they cannot afford proper education.
Undeniably
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures are
being taken
by the affluent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in aiding the sufferers, by adapting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
villages, providing free education to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
children.

To recapitulate,
currently
, the assistance to the underdeveloped/developing by the developed nations is
highly
needed. Though this
is carried
out by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
billionaires on smaller scale, it would be much better if it
is carried
out on larger scale, from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to another.
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IELTS essay Some countries have become much richer than others. Richer countries should now help poorer countries. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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