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some children spend most of their free time taking part in clubs and other planned activities. Do the advantages OF THIS OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?

some children spend most of their free time taking part in clubs and other planned activities. Do the advantages OF THIS OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES? Yw1WQ
Most of leisure times of a few kids spend by participating in scheduled activities or joining clubs. Filling free time by planned activities would have some advantages and disadvantages which is here, I want to survey both sides from my point of view. In my opinion, sending children to talent identification institutes, clubs or spending their free times with planned activities could help them to recognize themselves better. Therefore, they can set future goals based on their interests and talents. For instance, some children are mathematical intelligent, excellent sport player or have an artistic nature which are significantly different with others. In addition, participating in scheduled classes or joining clubs puts parents on the right investigation way. By that I mean they know which activities are motivating for their children and can encourage them or provide necessary facilities from their childhoods. As a result, it would prevent waste time. On the other hands, the children couldn’t enjoy life as a child, without tensions. Due to, taking part in kind of planned activities may increase stress level or put pressure on the children. It should be mentioned, the parents should be careful about these concern. Because indulgence can have extremely bad effects on their mental and emotional life. In conclusion, although spending leisure times by taking part in scheduled activities or joining clubs is very good idea, considering mental and emotional situation of children is one of the most critical concern for achieving better result.
Most of leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
of a few kids spend by participating in scheduled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
or joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
. Filling free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by planned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages and disadvantages which is here, I want to survey both sides from my point of view.

In my opinion, sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to talent identification institutes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
or spending their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
with planned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to recognize themselves better.
Therefore
, they can set future goals based on their interests and talents.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are mathematical intelligent, excellent sport player or have an artistic nature which are
significantly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
with others.

In addition
, participating in scheduled classes or joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
puts parents on the right investigation way. By that I mean they know which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are motivating for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and can encourage them or provide necessary facilities from their childhoods.
As a result
, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
waste time.

On the other hands, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
couldn’t enjoy life as a child, without tensions. Due to, taking part in kind of planned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
may increase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level or put pressure on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It should
be mentioned
, the parents should be careful about these concern.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
indulgence can have
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on their mental and emotional life.

In conclusion
, although spending leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
by taking part in scheduled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
or joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, considering mental and emotional situation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is one of the most critical concern for achieving better result.
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IELTS essay some children spend most of their free time taking part in clubs and other planned activities. Do the advantages OF THIS OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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