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some belive that shopping center

some belive that shopping center 83dw
There are those who opine that the practice of spending too much time in shopping centres could be detrimental for young people and the society as a whole. I fully agree with this view. In my opinion, if youngsters spend too much time on shopping or in malls, it can hurt not only their grades but also their financial situation because shopping requires both time and money. When young people become obsessed with shopping, they will find themselves in serious financial difficulties. If they hang out in the malls, they will want to buy many things even if they do not really need them. As shopping requires money, youngsters will have to find a source of income. Consequently, some of them may choose to work part time or some might even quit their studies and work full time. Both are detrimental to their academic progress and career. Working part time will reduce the amount of time they can focus on their studies and thus affect their grades. Now if they choose to quit studies to work full time, they will seriously hurt their career prospects as well-paying jobs require at least a university degree. Some young people may choose not to work. Instead, they will get into crime such as robbery. Obviously, spending excessive time in malls has a seriously negative impact on young people. Excessive shopping also affects the society. It leads to excessive consumption which is detrimental for the environment. Also, when young people are obsessed with spending, they will fall into the debt trap. This is bad for the society as well. When they cannot find enough money to fulfil their shopping goals or to pay off their debts caused by excessive shopping, youngsters may get into illegal activities like robbery, shop lifting or even smuggling. All of these has a detrimental effect on the society. In short, shopping is good so long as it is done in moderation. If young people spend an excessive amount of time in malls, they will not have much time to focus on their studies and they will also fall into debt. Obviously, this hurts them as well as their society
There are those who opine that the practice of spending too much
time
in
shopping
centres
could be
detrimental
for
young
people
and the
society
as a whole. I
fully
agree
with this view. In my opinion, if youngsters spend too much
time
on
shopping
or in
malls
, it can hurt not
only
their grades
but
also
their financial situation
because
shopping
requires both
time
and money.

When
young
people
become obsessed with
shopping
, they will find themselves in serious financial difficulties. If they hang out in the
malls
, they will want to
buy
many
things even if they do not
really
need them. As
shopping
requires money, youngsters will
have to
find a source of income.
Consequently
,
some
of them may choose to
work
part
time
or
some
might even quit their
studies
and
work
full
time
. Both are
detrimental
to their academic progress and career. Working part
time
will
reduce
the amount of
time
they can focus on their
studies
and
thus
affect their grades.
Now
if they choose to quit
studies
to
work
full
time
, they will
seriously
hurt their career prospects
as well
-paying jobs require at least a university degree.
Some
young
people
may choose not to
work
.
Instead
, they will
get
into crime such as robbery.
Obviously
, spending
excessive
time
in
malls
has a
seriously
negative
impact on
young
people
.

Excessive
shopping
also
affects the
society
. It leads to
excessive
consumption which is
detrimental
for the environment.
Also
, when
young
people
are obsessed
with spending, they will fall into the debt trap. This is
bad
for the
society
as well
. When they cannot find
enough
money to fulfil their
shopping
goals or to pay off their debts caused by
excessive
shopping
, youngsters may
get
into illegal activities like robbery, shop lifting or even smuggling. All of these has a
detrimental
effect on the society.

In short,
shopping
is
good
so
long as it
is done
in moderation. If
young
people
spend an
excessive
amount of
time
in
malls
, they will not have much
time
to focus on their
studies and
they will
also
fall into debt.
Obviously
, this hurts them
as well
as their
society
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IELTS essay some belive that shopping center

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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