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Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. Wk9N
It is irrefutable that crime is burgeoning day by day in many countries. Many people are scared to go away from their home because of crime. Some people contend that number of ways can be used to prevent crime. While other people argue that nothing can be done to prevent it. I believe that it is possible to tackle this serious issue by taking some action. Firstly, some people do not want to leave their home because they think that they are secure only in their homes. They feel that if they go out of their home then they may be affected by crime like chain snatching, murder, kidnapping etc. One approach would be to increase the number of police on roads. lf more police were on the streets, whether on foot or on patrol cars, criminals would be less likely to commit crime and people would feel much safer. Having more police especially at night would be particularly beneficial. A second possibility would be to make laws stricter and punishments more severe. This could involve increasing fines or lengthening prison sentences. lf a criminal has to pay more money for doing something illegal or would have to face more time in prison then I believe this is likely to reduce the crime rate. On the other hand, some people are frightened to leave their home because they feel that if they are not present in their home then their home is not safe from crime. To solve this problem, methods to increase security might deter potential criminals. For example, more effective alarm devices can be used in houses. Technology is so advanced nowadays that the alarm could ring on your mobile device if someone breaks-in your home. This would reduce burglary and theft. ln addition, hidden security cameras like surveillance cameras can be used in homes with the help of which people can watch what is happening in their homes from anywhere. ln this way one can feel secure about one's home. ln conclusion, although crime is a major problem in most cities in the world, the situation can be addressed by adopting the methods mentioned above. lt would definitely be wrong to say that nothing can be done to address this problem.
It is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is burgeoning day by day in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are scared
to go away from their home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contend that number of ways can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that nothing can
be done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
it. I believe that it is possible to tackle this serious issue by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
action.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they are secure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that if they go out of their home then they may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
like chain snatching, murder, kidnapping etc. One approach would be to increase the number of police on roads.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
lf
more police were on the streets, whether on foot or on patrol cars, criminals would be less likely to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
much safer. Having more police
especially
at night would be
particularly
beneficial.

A second possibility would be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
laws stricter and punishments more severe. This could involve increasing fines or lengthening prison sentences.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
lf
a criminal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pay more money for doing something illegal or would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face more time in prison then I believe this is likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are frightened
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that if they are not present in their home then their home is not safe from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. To solve this problem, methods to increase security might deter potential criminals.
For example
, more effective alarm devices can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.

Technology is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
advanced nowadays that the alarm could ring on your mobile device if someone breaks-in your home. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
burglary and theft.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ln
addition, hidden security cameras like surveillance cameras can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
what is happening in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
from anywhere.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ln
this way one can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
secure about one's home.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
ln
conclusion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is a major problem in most cities in the world, the situation can
be addressed
by adopting the methods mentioned above.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
lt
would definitely be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to say that nothing can
be done
to address this problem.
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IELTS essay Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
374 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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