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Some believe that people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your experience.

Some believe that people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement. 0rjQ
About this topic we have a lot of disagreement. Some people believe that people should not continue working once they reach the age of retirement but a lot of other opinions disappear.  First, I think that we have to work until we don't have nothing else to offer our profession. Some people during retirement period want to spend their time doing what the love the most.  Secondly, some would agree with the opinion that the retirement time is e perfect to for a person to start spending time with their family and children. I also agree with this opinion for example the doctors such as my father used to spend their whole life studying and giving his contribution for the future and for other persons. He spent the most of their time in their clinic and not find time for us.  Furthermore, the people that comes to conclusion that until 65 years old a person is able to work I think that they are supported in some researching or some studies. I want also to share a strong disagreement about the differences in retirement age. I am only prepare to discuss Albania because the age of retirement is differences and this depend on in the gender. Personally don't like this differences only because someone is a male and I'm a female and I'm powerless or more sensitive. Also, I think that job is job. To sum up, I totally agree with the topic that people should stop working when comes to retirement age. In this period they have to spend time and why not knowing new friends and spending the money that they have done only for holidays.
About this topic we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
disagreement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not continue working once they reach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
other opinions disappear.  
First
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work until we don'
Double negatives are discouraged in standard English. Can you reformulate this phrase or is a comma missing?
t have nothing
else to offer our profession.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
period want to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing what the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the most.  
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is e perfect to for a person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family and children. I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion
for example
the doctors such as my father
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend their whole life studying and giving his contribution for the future and for other persons. He spent the most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their clinic and not find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for us.  
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to conclusion that until 65 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
a person is able to work I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they
are supported
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researching or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
studies. I want
also
to share a strong disagreement about the differences in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. I am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
prepare to discuss Albania
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
is differences and this depend on in the gender.
Personally
don't like this differences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
someone is a male and I'm a female and I'm powerless or more sensitive.
Also
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that job is job. To sum up, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the topic that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
working when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. In this period they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and why not knowing new friends and spending the money that they have done
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for holidays.
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IELTS essay Some believe that people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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