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Some believe it is important for cities and towns to invest heavily in building large outdoor public spaces. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some believe it is important for cities and towns to invest heavily in building large outdoor public spaces. wBa0r
Technology has taken over the humongous part of world & humankind has become its slave. People are investing utmost time of their daily life indoors in front of their computers for several reasons, apparently getting minimal or even no time to spend outdoors. Large part of population tends to believe that governments should invest more in building huge outdoor infrastructure to overcome this problem. Without a doubt, human race is more prone to deadly diseases nowadays as compared to past few decades. Obesity is an obvious result of sitting in same place all day long while using electronic gadgets and almost 60 percent of the population is suffering from this problem. Deficiency of vitamin-D however, is another common health issue which leads towards serious problems in long run. If cities spare funds in making large outdoor workspaces, open roof libraries, huge parks to play and roof-top gyms, etc, people could benefit a big time not only physically but mentally as well. On the contrary, making such wide & open infrastructures on large scale could succumb huge amount of the land area that could have been used for providing housing to many homeless by making tall residential towers. Similarly, natural habitat and our vegetation could also turn out to be a victim of these projects because bigger the construction project, more is the destruction of natural resources. All in all, I believe that living a healthy & prosper life is of more importance as compared to living big in a fancy house with poor health. Our governments should think out of the box and create innovative projects to overcome rapidly growing health issues and to lure people out of their comfortable dens.
Technology has taken over the humongous part of world & humankind has become its slave.
People
are investing utmost time of their daily life indoors in front of their computers for several reasons,
apparently
getting minimal or even no time to spend outdoors. Large part of population tends to believe that
governments
should invest more in building huge outdoor infrastructure to overcome this problem.

Without a doubt, human race is more prone to deadly diseases nowadays as compared to past few decades. Obesity is an obvious result of sitting in same place all day long while using electronic gadgets and almost 60 percent of the population is suffering from this problem. Deficiency of vitamin-D
however
, is another common health issue which leads towards serious problems in long run. If cities spare funds in making large outdoor workspaces, open roof libraries, huge parks to play and roof-top gyms, etc,
people
could benefit a
big
time not
only
physically
but
mentally
as well
.

On the contrary
, making such wide & open infrastructures on large scale could succumb huge amount of the land area that could have been
used
for providing housing to
many
homeless by making tall residential towers.
Similarly
, natural habitat and our vegetation could
also
turn out to be a victim of these projects
because
bigger the construction project, more is the destruction of natural resources.

All in all, I believe that living a healthy & prosper life is of more importance as compared to living
big
in a fancy
house
with poor health. Our
governments
should
think
out of the box and create innovative projects to overcome
rapidly
growing health issues and to lure
people
out of their comfortable dens.
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IELTS essay Some believe it is important for cities and towns to invest heavily in building large outdoor public spaces.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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