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Some believe it is better to leave their work and living opportunities. Others believe it is better to stay at their homes.

Some believe it is better to leave their work and living opportunities. Others believe it is better to stay at their homes. NVyBj
There is a famous saying that "change is constant". Some welcome diversity, whereas others resist it. Similarly, in this essay we are going to see these two varied views. On one hand, there are people who willingly leave their current work and living opportunities. On the contrary, some like to stay in their homeland. To begin with, we are all different individuals raised in not so similar environments backgrounds. The aspirations of individuals varies. Few look for opportunities of growth and transformation. They are always up for an adventure. The foremost reason could be their foundations are not so based on current living conditions. For instance, there are many freelancers who earn their living through their skillful arts. For them, it's not necessary to operate from one static place due to the fact they are making income from their skills which can sell from any part of the world. Mostly, the creative lot and the spiritual lot are quite flexible with their living opportunities. On the other hand, there are majority of people who are family oriented. Their roots are deep in traditions religion. Mostly the family business people will resist too much change in their working and living conditions. The foremost reason could be the huge investments in their current religious sentiment and family income. Consequently, they like to stay home while living a routine life with less change. In the end, according to me, the choice in life are dependent on various factors and they are all right looking at how diversified human race is. Putting everyone in tight containers wouldn't be fair.
There is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
saying that
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is constant
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
welcome diversity, whereas others resist it.
Similarly
, in this essay we are going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these two varied views. On one hand, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
willingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
opportunities.
On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
like to stay in their homeland.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, we are all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
individuals raised in not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
similar environments backgrounds. The aspirations of individuals
You should probably use "vary".
varies
.
Possible agreement error. The noun look seems to be countable; consider using: "Few looks".
Few look
for opportunities of growth and transformation. They are always up for an adventure. The foremost reason could be their foundations are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
based on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
conditions.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
freelancers who earn their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
through their skillful arts. For them, it's not necessary to operate from one static place due to the fact they are making income from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which can sell from any part of the world.
Mostly
, the creative lot and the spiritual lot are quite flexible with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
opportunities.

On the other hand
, there are
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are family oriented. Their roots are deep in traditions religion.
Mostly
the family business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will resist too much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their working and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
conditions. The foremost reason could be the huge investments in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
religious sentiment and family income.
Consequently
, they like to stay home while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
a routine life with less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, according to me, the choice in life are dependent on various
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
factors and
they are all right looking at how diversified human race is. Putting everyone in tight containers wouldn't be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
.
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IELTS essay Some believe it is better to leave their work and living opportunities. Others believe it is better to stay at their homes.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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