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social media platforms, such as Facebook and twitter, have become a more important source of news and information for young people, than newspapre

social media platforms, such as Facebook and twitter, have become a more important source of news and information for young people, than newspapre 85mmG
Nowadays, young people tend to use social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter as the main source of news and scientific information instead of newspapers. I agree with this Idea and I explain my theories. Firstly, young people are addicted to social media, they cannot imagine living without it because they are interested in technology. Most of the young people's time is spent on social media and they do not much time to read a newspaper, so, they noticed about world's news on the internet. For instance, as a young person, I follow some pages such as BBC, CNN, and etc on Instagram and I pursue the news when I check my profile. Secondly, the censorship is not acceptable by young people. They believe newspapers and television channels do not tell the truth. New generation is more sensetive about censorship and they do not believe fake news as simple as past generations. News are often published on social media without any censorship. Conversely in the newspapers and television news are censored more due to government control. For example, last year in Iran, a person imported a lot of expired rise by government's money and he spread them into the market. Although the newspapers and television did not publish any news about this problem, yet, a person who was worked at the border council, captured a video of printing the new expiration dates on the rice packages and shared it on social media, finally, government forced to got arrested that person. In conclusion, social media platforms have become a source of news instead of newspapers because interesting of technology for young people and also the problem of censorship the most negative effect on young people behavior about newspaper.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
platforms like Facebook and Twitter as the main source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and scientific information
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Idea
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my theories.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, they cannot imagine living without it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are interested
in technology. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's time
is spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
media and
they do not much time to read a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they noticed about world's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the internet.
For instance
, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person, I follow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pages such as BBC, CNN,
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
on Instagram and I pursue the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
my profile.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
censorship
is not acceptable by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
and television channels do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the truth.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
generation is more
Possible spelling mistake found.
sensetive
about
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
censorship and
they do not believe fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
as simple as past generations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
News
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
published on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
censorship
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Conversely
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
and television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
are censored
more due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
control.
For example
, last year in Iran, a person imported
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
expired rise by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
he spread them into the market. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
and television did not publish any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about this problem,
yet
, a person who
was worked
at the border council, captured a video of printing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
expiration dates on the rice packages and shared it on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
finally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
forced to
Did you mean "get"?
got
arrested that person.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
platforms have become a source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
interesting of technology for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
also
the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
censorship
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
behavior about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
.
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IELTS essay social media platforms, such as Facebook and twitter, have become a more important source of news and information for young people, than newspapre

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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