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Social media lets us connect with more people, but some believe it detracts from our real life interactions, and therefore damages our personal relationships. Do you agree or disagree?

Social media lets us connect with more people, but some believe it detracts from our real life interactions, and therefore damages our personal relationships. 6aJO0
First of all, it is undeniable the benefit of social media, which can help us connect internationally. It can be seen that helps us update the situation of other countries, people can interact with friends in many places, help us learn many things as well as improve foreign languages. For example, even though people are only in Vietnam, the BITU app can help us meet foreigners, then we can chat, study and exchange cultures to help us understand more about the country and their culture.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is undeniable the benefit of social media, which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us connect
internationally
. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
us update the situation of other countries,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can interact with friends in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
foreign languages.
For example
,
even though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in Vietnam, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
BITU
app can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
foreigners, then we can chat, study and exchange cultures to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us understand more about the country and their culture.
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IELTS essay Social media lets us connect with more people, but some believe it detracts from our real life interactions, and therefore damages our personal relationships.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
85 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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