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Smoking is on the increase among young people. Discuss the problem and suggest what can be done about it.

Smoking is on the increase among young people. Discuss the problem and suggest what can be done about it. n6Ejo
Smoking was first introduced in Europe, by Christopher Columbus after his sudden success of finding America. In the past decades, it has seen an impressive rise, in use, from mostly younger people. But why do youngsters harm their health in order to smoke and what are the possible solutions to this? In this essay I will discuss the above. Firstly, smoking has become a way for teenagers to socialize and make friends. This derives, from the culture that is created around that act and the urge of most people have more friends or belong to somewhere. To illustrate, from my own experience as a youngster, I started smoking at the age of 14, because I wanted to have friends. Lastly, the temptation for someone to have a cigarette is ever increasing, with friends sometimes pushing you into this unhealthy habit. While the reasons for people to smoke are multiple, there are some possible solutions to this problem. First of all, the government should try and ban this habit by fining people if seen smoking. This in one way that may help decrease the amount of them following this and alleviate the problem. Another way is to try and educate younger people and explaining to them that having a cigarette will not make them happier or help them create long lasting relationships. For example, the Greek government implemented a one time a year class about the consequences of smoking and saw a decrease, of more than 20%, in underage smokers. Finally, smoking has numerous harmful effects on the human body, so, by indicating them to younger people there is a chance that they quit. In conclusion, this lifestyle has multiple negative outcomes for individuals and governments all around the globe should set aside their economic benefits and focus on and their population’s health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smoking
was
first
introduced in Europe, by Christopher Columbus after his sudden success of finding America. In the past decades, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
an impressive rise, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, from
mostly
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
why do youngsters harm their health in order to smoke and what are the possible solutions to this? In this essay I will discuss the above.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
has become a way for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to socialize and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. This derives, from the culture that
is created
around that act and the urge of most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
or belong to somewhere. To illustrate, from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience as a youngster, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
at the age of 14,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I wanted to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
Lastly
, the temptation for someone to have a cigarette is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever increasing
, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
pushing you into this unhealthy habit.

While the reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to smoke are multiple, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions to this problem.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
ban this habit by fining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
. This in one way that may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
decrease the amount of them following this and alleviate the problem. Another way is to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
educate younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and explaining to them that having a cigarette will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happier or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them create
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
relationships.
For example
, the Greek
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
implemented a one time a year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
about the consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a decrease, of more than 20%, in underage smokers.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
has numerous harmful effects on the human body,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, by indicating them to younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
there is a chance that they quit.

In conclusion
, this lifestyle has multiple
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes for individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
all around the globe should set aside their economic benefits and focus on and their population’s health.
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IELTS essay Smoking is on the increase among young people. Discuss the problem and suggest what can be done about it.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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