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SMART DEVICES HAVE PUT ALL OF THE WORLD'S INFORMATION AT OUR FINGER TIPS . THE BENEFITS OF THIS DEVELOPMENT ARE OBVIOUS, BUT WHAT ARE ITS DRAWBACKS?

SMART DEVICES HAVE PUT ALL OF THE WORLD'S INFORMATION AT OUR FINGER TIPS. THE BENEFITS OF THIS DEVELOPMENT ARE OBVIOUS, BUT WHAT ARE ITS DRAWBACKS? RYeo
Advanced technology enables smart phones to deliver all information in our fingertips. It has made life smooth with this technology. Though smart devices has enormous potential and advantages, I agree that they have certain drawbacks which people are not aware of. Smart devices makes life device dependent and makes the human beings lazy due to the advanced features. (vvs) The use of smart devices makes people inefficient to think and memorise, in order to know an information. For example, they are completely depend on google or Wikipedia, where they are spoon fed with the information required. This makes the society to focus on these sites for information rather than gathering and memorising details. The world can come to a standstill if people are devoid of internet. When compared to the older generation, smart devices have made this current generation completely internet dependent. (vvs)
Advanced technology enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
phones to deliver all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in our fingertips. It has made life smooth with this technology. Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
has enormous potential and advantages, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that they have certain drawbacks which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not aware of.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
dependent and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the human beings lazy due to the advanced features. (
Possible spelling mistake found.
vvs
)

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
inefficient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'memorise' is British English.
memorise
, in order to know an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
For example
, they are completely
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
on google or Wikipedia, where they are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
spoon fed
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
required. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the society to focus on these sites for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
rather
than gathering and
Possible spelling mistake. 'memorising' is British English.
memorising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
. The world can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to a standstill if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are devoid of internet. When compared to the older generation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
have made this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation completely internet dependent. (
Possible spelling mistake found.
vvs
)

IELTS essay SMART DEVICES HAVE PUT ALL OF THE WORLD'S INFORMATION AT OUR FINGER TIPS. THE BENEFITS OF THIS DEVELOPMENT ARE OBVIOUS, BUT WHAT ARE ITS DRAWBACKS?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
142 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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