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Small businesses should avoid recruiting young women to avoid paying maternity leave later on.

Small businesses should avoid recruiting young women to avoid paying maternity leave later on. o88KV
A thought of school holds that small businesses should not hire young females to prevent them from paying maternity leave later on. From my point of view, I totally disagree with this argument. On the one hand, paying maternity leave later for their women employees is familiar, and this is a mandatory policy that every company needs to meet for their employees. That means when the woman is on vacation and the business still has to pay for her maternity leaves, the company's profits will be reduced. However, this thinking is flawed because the profits the employees bring when they go to work will be more than the amount the company has to pay them. Not hiring young women will be a great loss to the company. Young women are a young and competent labor force, they can dedicate themselves to the job, bring innovation in work that brings breakthroughs to the company, and help the company grow. Furthermore, if the small company does not recruit young women, it will create a gender imbalance in the company. in a collective, a team should have both men and women to aid each other in all work. Thus it will make a conducive environment for working. Moreover, women who have just graduated without the opportunity to be employed will not have the opportunity to develop themselves and have no independent source of income for daily life demands, which will negatively affect on the life and their future. In conclusion, recruiting young women can bring numerous benefits for the business, which can overcome the inevitability of paying maternity leave.
A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of school holds that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
businesses should not hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
females to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from paying maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
later on. From my point of view, I
totally
disagree with this argument.

On the one hand, paying maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
later for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
employees is familiar, and this is a mandatory policy that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
for their employees. That means when the woman is on vacation and the business
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pay for her maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaves
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's profits will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
However
, this thinking
is flawed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the profits the employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
when they go to work will be more than the amount the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pay them. Not hiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will be a great loss to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and competent labor force, they can dedicate themselves to the job,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
innovation in work that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brings
breakthroughs to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
grow.

Furthermore
, if the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
does not recruit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, it will create a gender imbalance in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
a collective, a team should have both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to aid each other in all work.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a conducive environment for working.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
graduated without the opportunity to
be employed
will not have the opportunity to develop themselves and have no independent source of income for daily life demands, which will
negatively
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on the life and their future.

In conclusion
, recruiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
numerous benefits for the business, which can overcome the inevitability of paying maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
.
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IELTS essay Small businesses should avoid recruiting young women to avoid paying maternity leave later on.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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