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Since the technology is cheaply accessible, parents find it convenient to engage their children with the same. What problem does it cause and what solution can you suggest?

In this epoch of globalisation, technology has now penetrated almost all segments of life. Parents indulge their children in latest gizmos. It cause numerous side effects on human life. One of the major problem is, kids are becoming couch potato and major solution can be parents should engage their children in recreational activities. This essay will delve causes and solutions in upcoming fragments. To begin with, the exorbitant usage of everything can be harmful. There are plenty of problems of usage of technology, excessively. First and the foremost cause is that kids can become lethargic by spending long hours in watching television and they play games on mobile phones. In addition, spending too much time in front of television may make them couch potatoes as a result they do not like to spend their time with their family. Children's eye sight may weaken as well as kids can become introvert. Moreover, they do not do recreational activities and their behaviour may change towards their parents because of lack of communication. Furthermore, kids are forgetting their cultural and traditional values, they are losing heritage as well. For an instance, a recent survey is conducted by WHO in 2017, 75% children forgot their ethical values due to lack of communication. Hence, they do not spend their time with their grandparents. However, there are some possible solutions to solve this problem. Primarily, parents should indulge their children in some recreational activities such as games, dance, art and craft as well. In addition to this, parents should give them limited time to use the electronic gadgets because it will also beneficial for their health. Care takers of kids should teach them wright and wrong things so they can choose right path for their future. In abridgement, as per my above confabulation it is axiomatic that although technology has always been doing a wonderful job of bringing prominent changes in the life of people yet they should use gizmos in an appropriate ways.
In this epoch of
Possible spelling mistake. ‘globalisation’ is British English.
globalisation
, technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
penetrated almost all segments of life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
indulge their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
A determiner is probably missing here: “the latest”.
latest
gizmos. It
After ‘It’, use the third-person verb form “causes”.
cause
numerous side effects on human life. One of the major problem is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are becoming couch potato and major solution can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should engage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in recreational activities. This essay will delve causes and solutions in upcoming fragments. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the exorbitant usage of everything can be harmful. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of problems of usage of technology,
excessively
.
First
and the foremost cause is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can become lethargic by spending long hours in watching
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
television and
they play games on mobile phones.
In addition
, spending too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of television may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them couch potatoes
as a result
they do not like to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family. Children's
This word is usually spelt together: “eyesight”.
eye sight
may weaken
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can become introvert.
Moreover
, they do not do recreational activities and their
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behaviour’ is British English.
behaviour
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of communication.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are forgetting their cultural and traditional values, they are losing heritage
as well
. For an instance, a recent survey
is conducted
by WHO in 2017, 75%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
forgot their ethical values due to lack of communication.
Hence
, they do not spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their grandparents.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions to solve this problem.
Primarily
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should indulge their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recreational activities such as games, dance, art and craft
as well
.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should give them limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the electronic gadgets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
also
beneficial for their health. Care takers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
should teach them wright and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can choose right path for their future. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
abridgement
, as per my above confabulation it is axiomatic that although technology has always been doing a wonderful job of bringing prominent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the life of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
yet
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
gizmos in
The plural noun “ways” cannot be used with the article “an”. Did you mean “an appropriate way” or “appropriate ways”?
an appropriate ways
.
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IELTS essay Since the technology is cheaply accessible, parents find it convenient to engage their children with the same. What problem does it cause and what solution can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
328 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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