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Should unemployed people be made to work for their benefit payments?

Should unemployed people be made to work for their benefit payments? aVqjX
Unemployment is one of commonly problem in the developing countries. Some people think that several jobs should be provided for unemployed people even though others see this as the form of outsourcing labor. I would argue that making unemployed people to take any job will make them being productive inhabitants, who can contribute to increase the country's income, and also automatically will reduce the rate of unemployment. It is true that making people who do not have a job will make them being cheap labor since their academic level cannot compete with professional workers. Result shows that mostly companies are looking for employees who have a degree certificate than they who are only high school graduates although they have an equal skill. It is thus clear that unemployed people who are given a job will be lower salary labor. In addition, the high rate of unemployment triggers to an outsourcing system, which hires cheap labor with no social guarantee. The result of a research held by National University in Indonesia proved that many workers who are involved to this system do not get a health guarantee that has already regulated by the government. As a result, the outsourcing company often cut the workers' salary that is expensive under treatment. It is imperative that cheap labor occurs as a consequence of the high number of unemployed people. However, in my opinion, hiring jobless people will bring some benefits not only for the workers itself but also for the states. First, unemployed people will be productive. They will produce money to fulfil their daily essentials. Second, the rate of unemployment is going to decrease, which also means it will increase the rate of welfare people. Take Indonesia as an example, the government announced to public in 2010 that unemployment rate has been decreasing over the last 10 years due to many career opportunist which are provided by government. It is evident that there is a significant effect of making unemployed people work. Third, it cannot be denied that more people have a job and produce money, more tax revenue that the state can get. In conclusion, it seems to me that although providing jobs for unemployed people will do not guarantee them get a good salary, I strongly believe that it is better for jobless people to have an occupation as they can produce income not only for themselves but also for the country. Where possible, the government should improve the controlling system to guarantee the social welfare of labor.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Unemployment
is one of
commonly
problem in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
should
be provided
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even though
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this as the form of outsourcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
labor
. I would argue that making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them being productive inhabitants,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can contribute to increase the country's income, and
also
automatically
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of unemployment.

It is true that making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
labor
since their academic level cannot compete with professional workers. Result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are looking for employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a degree certificate than they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
high school graduates although they have an equal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. It is
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will be
Did you mean "lowed", "lowered"?
lower
salary labor.

In addition
, the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
triggers to an outsourcing system, which hires
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
labor
with no social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guarantee
. The result of
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
held by National University in Indonesia proved that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are involved
to this system do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guarantee
that has already regulated by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
As a result
, the outsourcing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the workers' salary
that is
expensive under treatment. It is imperative that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
labor
occurs as a consequence of the high number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
, in my opinion, hiring jobless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the workers itself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the states.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be productive. They will produce money to fulfil their daily essentials. Second, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
is going to decrease, which
also
means it will increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of welfare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Take Indonesia as an example, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
announced to public in 2010 that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
has been decreasing over the last 10 years due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
career opportunist which
are provided
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. It is evident that there is a significant effect of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work. Third, it cannot
be denied
that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and produce money, more tax revenue that the state can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that although providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guarantee
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary, I
strongly
believe that it is better for jobless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have an occupation as they can produce income not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the country. Where possible, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the controlling system to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guarantee
the social welfare of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
labor
.
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IELTS essay Should unemployed people be made to work for their benefit payments?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
418 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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