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Should teenagers get pocket money

Should teenagers get pocket money BwAOp
Some people believe that teenagers need to be financially independent while others believe that teenagers are not yet mature enough. The crux of this debate is whether young adults need to be given pocket money. There are a variety of reasons why teenagers need to be given pocket money. Firstly, it gives them a sense of responsibility. Having to manage their expenses within a fixed budget will teach them the value of money. They will think before spending on frivolous things and learn to plan ahead. Pocket money will also aide the decision making skills of teenagers. At this stage of their lives, their brains are still evolving and they are learning to make decisions. Managing their monthly allowance will teach teenagers several decision making skills such as balancing long and short term desires, making tradeoffs, saving up for a goal, etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
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teenagers
need to be
financially
independent while others believe that
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teenagers
are not
yet
mature
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enough
. The crux of this debate is whether young adults need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pocket
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money
. There are a variety of reasons why
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teenagers
need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Firstly
, it gives them a sense of responsibility. Having to manage their expenses within a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
budget will teach them the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. They will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
spending on frivolous things and learn to plan ahead. Pocket
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money
will
also
aide the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
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teenagers
. At this stage of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, their brains are
still
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
evolving and
they are learning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions. Managing their monthly allowance will teach
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teenagers
several
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decision making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as balancing long and short term desires, making
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tradeoffs
, saving up for a goal, etc.
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IELTS essay Should teenagers get pocket money

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
142 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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