Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Should lower secondary students play video games?

Should lower secondary students play video games? J3o15
Nowadays, with the development of the technology video games is becoming more and more popular with teenagers especially secondary school students. But in my opinion they should not play video games because of these following reasons. First video games make them less active. They just sit quietly and play the video games. Also playing games takes a lot of their time while they should spend that time doing their home work or playing a sport. Second spending time playing video games will lead to some diseases which many teenagers have about eyes, arms and back more easily than others. Last but not least video games will affecte students study and their marks at school. They may become addicted to the games and forget to do their homework, as a consequence they won't have high marks in their tests and they will make their parents disappointed.
Nowadays, with the development of the technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is becoming more and more popular with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
especially
secondary school students.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in my opinion they should not play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these following reasons.
First
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them less active. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sit
quietly
and play the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Also
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their time while they should spend that time doing their home work or playing a sport. Second spending time playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have about eyes, arms and back more
easily
than others. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will
Possible spelling mistake found.
affecte
students study and their marks at school. They may become addicted to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and forget to do their homework, as a consequence they won't have high marks in their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
tests and
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their parents disappointed.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Should lower secondary students play video games?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
145 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts