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Should governments make decisions about people’s lifestyle, or should people make their own decisions?

Some people think that decisions of people's Lifestyle should be made by governments, even though others believed that is wrong, making decisions by people is better. It is a debatable issue in the modern society. I will discuss both viewpoints in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, with the advent of globalisation, from older Era to recent years the lifestyle of the People changed a lot. This cause, some issues are occurring, such as who make the decisions about people's Lifestyle government or people own. Firstly, people posses own decisions to enjoy their lifestyle. It is considered that developing countries have no rights to interrupt in the individuals Life. Furthermore, individuals own involved and the desire for a better lifestyle is a key factor and driving force in self motivation and encouragement. On the other hand, the authorities have some responsibilities towards the People's Lifestyle. Firstly, the government must keep an eye on the habits of people like smoking, drinking and usage of drugs to ensure the existence of a peaceful society. These habits are also affected for others, who lives among them. Further, if individual infringes the law, the authority will take legal actions. Such as, alcohol drinkers, while they are driving and ignore to obey rules. The authority can seem strict fines. Secondly, the government can promote awareness campaigns in terms of Health and Lifestyle. For instance, schools in Japan are funded by food and health authorities to encourage their pupils to participate in various physical activities, such as sports and gymnastics. In conclusion, the authority should make the decision of people's Lifestyle, but according to need, not unnecessary and people must appreciate such lifestyles, don't hurt someones feelings about his culture.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Lifestyle
should
be made
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
,
even though
others believed
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
is
better. It is a debatable issue in the modern society. I will discuss both viewpoints in the upcoming paragraphs.

On the one hand, with the advent of
Possible spelling mistake. ‘globalisation’ is British English.
globalisation
, from older Era to recent years the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
a lot. This cause,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues are occurring, such as who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
posses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
to enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. It
is considered
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
have no rights to interrupt in the
An apostrophe may be missing.
individuals
Life.
Furthermore
, individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
involved and the desire for a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is a key factor and driving force in self motivation and encouragement.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
responsibilities towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Lifestyle
.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on the habits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like smoking, drinking and usage of drugs to ensure the existence of a peaceful society. These habits are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
for others, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
among them.
Further
, if individual infringes the law, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
will take legal actions. Such as, alcohol drinkers, while they are driving and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
to obey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
can seem strict fines.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can promote awareness campaigns in terms of Health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Lifestyle
.
For instance
, schools in Japan
are funded
by food and health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
to encourage their pupils to participate in various physical activities, such as sports and gymnastics.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Lifestyle
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
according to need, not unnecessary and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
appreciate such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
, don't hurt
It seems that a possessive apostrophe is missing or the word is misspelled.
someones
feelings about his culture.
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IELTS essay Should governments make decisions about people’s lifestyle, or should people make their own decisions?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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