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It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

As many other young people in my age, I also aspire to be an entrepreneur, when I have the necessary funds and experience to start a business on my own. Although I understand the many drawbacks, some people may have an issue with, in my opinion the benefits of being self-employed are far greater than being an employee, as being an entrepreneur gives you a far better chance to express yourself and grant a greater sense of freedom. Starting your own business can be an opportunity to make your childhood dream come true. Being the sole owner and founder of a company means, that you can customize and tailor your own business to your own liking and you can choose to work on whatever you find interesting and fulfilling. This may be your long-awaited dream company or just a simply enjoyable small business, its volume does not really matter as long, as you find joy in it. If the idea of moulding your very own business have not convinced you so far, you may also consider the much greater freedom it gives you in your personal life. The fact, that you are the one, who dictates what the workday schedule looks like, grants you the ability to work and get things done or simply take a break, whenever you most want it, you no longer have to be irritated by the strict rules of your employer. In conclusion, I have to agree with the statement, that the advantages of being self-employed outweigh its drawbacks. As I explained it above, the abilities to make your company whatever you want it to be and to create your own workplace schedule managed to convince me, that I should also strive to start a business on my own.
As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in my age, I
also
aspire to be an entrepreneur, when I have the necessary funds and experience to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
on my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. Although I understand the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may have an issue with, in my opinion the benefits of being self-employed are far greater than being an employee, as being an entrepreneur gives you a far better chance to express yourself and grant a greater sense of freedom.

Starting your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
can be an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your childhood dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true. Being the sole owner and founder of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
means, that you can customize and tailor your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
to your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
liking and
you can choose to work on whatever you find interesting and fulfilling. This may be your long-awaited dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or
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just
a
simply
enjoyable
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small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, its volume does not
really
matter as long, as you find joy in it.

If the
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idea
of
Possible spelling mistake. ‘moulding’ is British English.
moulding
your
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very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
have not convinced you
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so
far, you may
also
consider the much greater freedom it gives you in your personal life. The fact, that you are the one, who dictates what the workday schedule looks like, grants you the ability to work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
things done or
simply
take a break, whenever you most want it, you no longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be irritated
by the strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of your employer.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement, that the advantages of being self-employed outweigh its drawbacks. As I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
it above, the abilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
whatever you want it to be and to create your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
workplace schedule managed to convince me, that I should
also
strive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
on my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
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IELTS essay It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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