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Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activities in many countries for young adults . Why is this?it is positive or negative development?

Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activities in many countries for young adults. Why is this? it is positive or negative development? 5X6m
Irrefutably, masses make plethora of activities for their free time such as, yoga, exercise, playing, reading, and so on, whereas the proponents assert, to visit in complex mall is one of the most famous leisure pursuit in diverse nations for young people. This essay intends to analyze, why this happenes and what is negative impact on individuals in the upcoming paragraphs. To embark on the topic, there are numerous rationales why people make shopping as a leisure activity. First and foremost, it is place of myriad amenities. To elaborate it, in bygone days, people need to go different area for different utilitizes, on the contrary, they find plethora of things under a roof likewise, theatre cafe, game and so on. Consequently, shopping complexes provide them source of entertainment. Secondly nowadays, most of the populace follow new trade, and urge to update new faction even sometimes they find discount. To cite an epitome, majority of people take it as a relaxation in their free time. On the paradoxical side, this has a adverse side for masses. Firstly, shapaholic person want to purchase new thing even they have already those things so, it is wastage of money. Moreover, there are competition among people to buy new commodity if they do not do this then their ego will hurt, and it make arrogant. Apart from that, if they spent time merely on shopping after that there will no concentrate on their future and career as well as majority of people spoil their future due to it. Last but not the least, it causes of health problems, they just concentrated on shopping then they do not eat time to time and keep stress. In final reckoning, I would like to recapitulate that masses should make other activities instead of this it is loose of money and time as well it creates obstacles in survival.
Irrefutably
, masses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
plethora of activities for their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
such as, yoga, exercise, playing, reading, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, whereas the proponents assert, to visit in complex mall is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
leisure pursuit in diverse nations for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay intends to analyze, why this
Possible spelling mistake found.
happenes
and what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on individuals in the upcoming paragraphs. To embark on the topic, there are numerous rationales why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a leisure activity.
First
and foremost, it is place of myriad amenities. To elaborate it, in bygone days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to go
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
area for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake found.
utilitizes
,
on the contrary
, they find plethora of things under a roof
likewise
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
, game and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
complexes provide them source of entertainment.
Secondly
nowadays, most of the populace follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
trade, and urge
Did you mean "updating"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'urge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to update
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
faction even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they find discount. To cite an epitome, majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take it as a relaxation in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. On the paradoxical side, this has
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
adverse side for masses.
Firstly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
shapaholic
person want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
thing even they have already those things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it is wastage of money.
Moreover
, there are competition among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
commodity if they do not do this then their ego will hurt, and it
Did you mean "makes"?
make
arrogant. Apart from that, if they spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
merely
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
after that there will no concentrate on their future and career
as well
as
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spoil their future due to it. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, it causes of health problems, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
concentrated on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
then they do not eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. In final reckoning, I would like to recapitulate that masses should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
other activities
instead
of this it is loose of money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as well
it creates obstacles in survival.
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IELTS essay Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activities in many countries for young adults. Why is this? it is positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
310 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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