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Shopping is favorite pastime for most of the young people.why do you think is that?do you think they should encourage to do some other useful activities?

Shopping is favorite pastime for most of the young people. why do you think is that? do you think they should encourage to do some other useful activities? ggB1
In recent time, fashion and clothing has influenced people in many way. Therefore, majority of youth spend their leisure time in shopping. But the same time they should be motivated to participate in productive activities. This essay will discuss why more youngsters get involved in it and how they can be diverted. To begin with, there are several reasons behind the shopping in youth in their spare time. Firstly, the advertisements play major role to attract youth for shopping. Whenever adults Operat Search engine or social websites, a discount or sales offers are always come between their work and attract them to visit their sites. which disturb their work and they spend their time in shopping. Secondly, the celebrities are another reason to encourage youth for shopping because today's generation always follow some celebrities also believe as their role model and follow their fashion style. On the other hand, the group of people prefer that, the youngsters should be diverted from shopping and give support them to participate in sports or volentery works. Sports not only make healthy and fit but, it boost personality like self confidence. However, parents, teachers and government encourage them to take participation in country's development as a volunteer. Due to that, youth learn the issues that country face and try to resolve them. These all activities engaged them and they have no other spare time for shopping. To conclude, while it is true that youngsters always attract from fashion and clothing and do frequently shopping. For that reason, they should encourage to spend their free time more in other activities that could help them to lead a more healthy life.
In recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, fashion and clothing has influenced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
Possible agreement error. The noun way seems to be countable; consider using: "many ways".
many way
.
Therefore
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
spend their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they should
be motivated
to participate in productive activities. This essay will discuss why more youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in it and how they can
be diverted
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several reasons behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Firstly
, the advertisements play major role to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. Whenever adults
Possible spelling mistake found.
Operat
Search engine or social websites, a discount or sales offers are always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
between their work and attract them to visit their sites.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
disturb their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Secondly
, the celebrities are another reason to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation always follow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
celebrities
also
believe as their role model and follow their fashion style.
On the other hand
, the group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer that, the youngsters should
be diverted
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and give support them to participate in sports or
Possible spelling mistake found.
volentery
works. Sports not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
healthy and fit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, it
Did you mean "boosts"?
boost
personality like
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
.
However
, parents, teachers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
encourage them to take participation in country's development as a volunteer. Due to that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
learn the issues that country face and try to resolve them. These all activities engaged
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they have no other spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
To conclude
, while it is true that youngsters always attract from fashion and clothing and do
frequently
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "shop"?
shopping
. For that reason, they should encourage to spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
more in other activities that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to lead a more healthy life.
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IELTS essay Shopping is favorite pastime for most of the young people. why do you think is that? do you think they should encourage to do some other useful activities?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
275 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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