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Shopping is become younger generation hobby.whay are the reason, should encourage them to purse this as a hobby

Shopping is become younger generation hobby. whay are the reason, should encourage them to purse this as a hobby RNRmQ
Modern world today, many people consider shopping as a pastime activity. Theses days most of the public have strong economic background to spend money for buying thing. However, some think that it can be negatively influenced the society. In my opinion, I consider this is a serious social menace that should be eliminated. Firstly, the principle reason to consider shopping is hobby by many is that it provides a strong sense of achievement to the buyer. In other words, when you purchase an expensive items which would give satisfaction as it adds status to your life when you would be gotten compliments from others. Take Youth as an example, they purchase clothes, accessories and electronic gadgets according to latest trend. By possessing these products, they would be notified by others and congratulated by friends and colleagues. Thus, shopping makes shopper happy, many believe it is a best hobby to have. However, there are some experts point out that this habit may not be suitable for the public and the society and it is extremely important to make aware youngsters about the dangerous of this hobby. One obvious reason of this is that consumerism. This means, unnecessary purchasing of products would bring huge debt to buyer. Eventually they would not be able to overcome from their financial burden. Furtheremore, unused items might be thrown out after sometime, which would cause accumulation of waste everywhere. This may not be a feasible solution for the environment. For instance, these days the public buy things even for single use even they might be sure that it will be going to use again in their life especially buying exercise equipments which is very rarely used. Therefore, it is extremely important to change the concept of shopping as a hobby. Finally, I consider the shopping is a necessity of the life, rather than enjoyment of the life. So I ponder current generation would recognise problems of shopping and make aware younger generation.
Modern world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a pastime activity.
Did you mean "these"?
Theses
days most of the public have strong economic background to spend money for buying thing.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it can be
negatively
influenced the society. In my opinion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consider
this is a serious social menace that should
be eliminated
.

Firstly
, the
Did you mean "principal" (=main)?
principle
reason to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is hobby by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
is that it provides a strong sense of achievement to the buyer.
In other words
, when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
an expensive
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "item"?
items
which would give satisfaction as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
status to your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
when you would
be gotten
compliments from others. Take Youth as an example, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
clothes, accessories and electronic gadgets according to
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
trend. By possessing these products, they would
be notified
by others and congratulated by friends and colleagues.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
shopper happy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe it is
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best hobby to have.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experts point out that this habit may not be suitable for the public and the society and it is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
aware youngsters about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
of this hobby. One obvious reason of this is that consumerism. This means, unnecessary purchasing of products would bring huge debt to buyer.
Eventually
they would not be able to overcome from their financial burden.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Furtheremore
, unused items might
be thrown
out after sometime, which would cause accumulation of waste everywhere. This may not be a feasible solution for the environment.
For instance
, these days the public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things even for single
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
even they might be sure that it will be going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
again in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
especially
buying exercise equipments which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rarely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
Therefore
, it is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a hobby.

Finally
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consider
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is a necessity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
rather
than enjoyment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I ponder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation would
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
problems of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
aware younger generation.
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IELTS essay Shopping is become younger generation hobby. whay are the reason, should encourage them to purse this as a hobby

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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