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Shopping habit of people depend largely on are group they belong to but here are other factories too agree or disagree ? If yes to what extant ?

Shopping habit of people depend largely on are group they belong to but here are other factories too agree or disagree? If yes to what extant? PVLPw
As we are living in a consumers world so we have a number of opportunities to buy new products. Some people have a belief that only age factor is the major cause of shopping but others have opposite views. I largely agree with the second notion that people have many other reasons that influence their buying habits. This essay will try to elaborate on the other possible factors that influenced shopping. To commence with, the financial status of individuals has a direct impact on consumerism. A person who has a good amount of money can easily afford any luxurious things without having any second thought in their mind. Secondly, the need of accessories according to their occupation like some professions has a mandatory uniform for their workplace but many of them need casual clothes so employees who work in such field needs more pair of daily wearing clothes, as well as some higher educational institutions, has no restriction on cloths so workers and students like to look more attractive among their group and working place so they prefer to buy more trendy clothes. Moreover, gender is also a great impact on increasing numbers of shoppers. Here girls are more attracted towards new arrivals and many accessories as a comparison to the opposite gender. Additionally the physical strains like when the height and weight increase then definitely they need new size in their clothes. Apart from this, various age groups have a special area of requirement according to their taste and need. For, instance children prefer toys, youngsters like more trendy clothes and elderly picks more comfortable things like clothes and equipment. To epilogue, the age factor has an impact on the choices of the items but without any doubt a number of factors that has a great impact to do shopping
As we are living in a consumers world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we have a number of opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
new products.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a belief that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
is the major cause of shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others have opposite views. I
largely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second notion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other reasons that influence their buying habits. This essay will try to elaborate on the other possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that influenced shopping.

To commence with, the financial status of individuals has a direct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
on consumerism. A person who has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of money can
easily
afford any luxurious things without having any second
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
in their mind.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of accessories according to their occupation like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professions has a mandatory uniform for their workplace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
casual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
employees who work in such field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
more pair of daily wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
,
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
higher educational institutions, has no restriction on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cloths
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
workers and students like to look more attractive among their group and working place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more trendy clothes.

Moreover
, gender is
also
a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
on increasing numbers of shoppers. Here girls are more attracted towards new arrivals and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
accessories as a comparison to the opposite gender.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Additionally
the physical strains like when the height and weight increase then definitely they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
new size in their clothes.

Apart from this, various age groups have a special area of requirement according to their taste and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
. For, instance children prefer toys, youngsters like more trendy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
and elderly picks more comfortable things like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
and equipment.

To epilogue, the age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
has an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
on the choices of the items
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without any doubt a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that has a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
to do shopping
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IELTS essay Shopping habit of people depend largely on are group they belong to but here are other factories too agree or disagree? If yes to what extant?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
300 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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