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Scientist and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree?

Scientist and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. M0De
With renewed technological advancement and unique scientific discoveries coming up every day, it is assumed that Science is gaining more importance than art and music. I completely disagree with this opinion and think that art and music is equally valued in the society. Firstly, with the ubiquity of technology from work, healthcare and even shopping, we don’t have much social interactions left. Although our life has been simplified, human is a social animal and everyone needs a respite. Entertainment in the form of music and art comes to the rescue of people when they are stuck in the monotony of life. For example; with the survey conducted by Oxford university on a group of 10, 000 people when the participants were made to hear soothing jazz music, their brain scans showed that it released Endorphins, Dopamine and Serotonin hormones which are responsible for happiness and reducing stress levels. Secondly, science and technological innovations need to reach the masses so that people are made aware of their availability in the market. That’s when artists’ mass appeal will help promote these products. For example; in the famous reality programme Kaun Banega Crorepati hosted by Amitabh Bachchan, a versatile of technological innovations made for Social development were showcased. Also, music band Green Day is revered for its political and social messages with regards to American Politics. To recapitulate, while scientists are valued for their contribution, artists receive more honour because they express universal emotion as well as provide thoughtful critiques to social, political and economic systems. They are also more widely known by mass people and respected by them as a result.
With renewed technological advancement and unique scientific discoveries coming up every day, it
is assumed
that Science is gaining more importance than art and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. I completely disagree with this opinion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that art and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
equally
valued in the society.

Firstly
, with the ubiquity of technology from work, healthcare and even shopping, we don’t have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interactions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
. Although our life has
been simplified
, human is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
animal and everyone needs a respite. Entertainment in the form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the rescue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when they
are stuck
in the monotony of life.
For example
; with the survey conducted by Oxford university on a group of 10, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when the participants
were made
to hear soothing jazz
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, their brain scans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that it released Endorphins, Dopamine and Serotonin hormones which are responsible for happiness and reducing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels.

Secondly
, science and technological innovations need to reach the masses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are made
aware of their availability in the market. That’s when artists’ mass appeal will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
promote these products.
For example
; in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
reality
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kaun
Possible spelling mistake found.
Banega
Possible spelling mistake found.
Crorepati
hosted by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Amitabh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bachchan
,
The phrase 'a versatile of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a versatile of
technological innovations made for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
development
were showcased
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
band Green Day
is revered
for its political and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
messages
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
American Politics.

To recapitulate, while scientists
are valued
for their contribution, artists receive more
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they express universal emotion
as well
as provide thoughtful critiques to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
, political and economic systems. They are
also
more
widely
known by mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and respected by them
as a result
.
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IELTS essay Scientist and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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