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schools vs home studying for students

schools vs home studying for students 55OKV
While some people claim that it's better for student to study in their homes, others believe that school-teaching is better for them. Personally, I reckon that studying at school is much more efficient; however, home following up is indispensible. Firstly, although self studying tends to be more demanding financially and chronologically, many parents prefer to pay more efforts and time to teach their kids inside their homes. They claim that in such case, the tutor would focus on one pupil; therefore, the results would certainly be better. Moreover, when kids are under the attention of their tutor or mother, they will be safer and well-protected. In light of this, many parents are totally satisfied when their kids study alone because they would not face any harassment or bullying case even it was much more expensive. Secondly, the other category of parents prefers to send their children to schools in order to improve their social skills, and interact with people. They believe that kids have to learn how to deal with society otherwise their personality might be a weak one. Moreover, since environment plays a pivotal role in education process, many parents chose to send child to a school. Once the kid was in a competent surrounding, this would extract their best. Finally, they believe that school teachers are professional to divide class time evenly between students; therefore, they aren't skeptical that their sons and daughters would be oppressed. In conclusion, people are proponent and opponent to self-studying approach. Personally, I think school aren’t enough unless it was followed by parents interest.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that it's better for student to study in their homes, others believe that school-teaching is better for them.
Personally
, I reckon that studying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is much more efficient;
however
, home following up is
Possible spelling mistake found.
indispensible
.

Firstly
, although self studying tends to be more demanding
financially
and
chronologically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
prefer to pay more efforts and time to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
inside their homes. They claim that in such case, the tutor would focus on one pupil;
therefore
, the results would
certainly
be better.
Moreover
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are under the attention of their tutor or mother, they will be safer and well-protected. In light of this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
totally
satisfied when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
study alone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would not face any harassment or bullying case even it was much more expensive.

Secondly
, the other category of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
prefers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and interact with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. They believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn how to deal with society
otherwise
their personality might be a weak one.
Moreover
, since environment plays a pivotal role in education process,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
chose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
child to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Once the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
was in a competent surrounding, this would extract their best.
Finally
, they believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
teachers are professional to divide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
time
evenly
between students;
therefore
, they aren't skeptical that their sons and daughters would
be oppressed
.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are proponent and opponent to self-studying approach.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
aren’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
unless it
was followed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
interest.
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IELTS essay schools vs home studying for students

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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