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Saving the environment during school lessons

Saving the environment during school lessons EwJ6B
It has proven that not many students are interested in protecting the environment.  So, there was an opinion about studying the importance of such activities in schools. Шn my opinion, passion in this results in further development of the topic. To begin with, teachers can talk about the benefits of recycling centers.  For example, to hold a couple of interactive sessions and even go to one of these centers.  As a result, it will help to show the significance of such small actions as recycling. Furthermore, teachers may recommend students to turn off the lights if they are not using them. For instance, by saving electricity, the harmful impact on the environment is reduced.  As a result, this will save energy and resources for its extraction. On the other hand, it is difficult to change views with age. In light of this, it's harder to get people to think differently. Therefore, it is better to explain the specifics of preserving the environment from childhood. To conclude, the awareness should be not only among students, but also among adults.  Then, by joint efforts, it will be possible to come to a solution.  I strongly believe that this approach will bear fruit.
It has proven that not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students
are interested
in protecting the environment.  
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there was an opinion about studying the importance of such activities in schools.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Шn
my opinion, passion in this results in
further
development of the topic.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, teachers can talk about the benefits of recycling centers.  
For example
, to hold a couple of interactive sessions and even go to one of these centers.  
As a result
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the significance of such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
actions as recycling.

Furthermore
, teachers may recommend students to turn off the lights if they are not using them.
For instance
, by saving electricity, the harmful impact on the environment is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.  
As a result
, this will save energy and resources for its extraction.

On the other hand
, it is difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
views with age. In light of this, it's harder to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
differently
.
Therefore
, it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the specifics of preserving the environment from childhood.

To conclude
, the awareness should be not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
among students,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
among adults.  Then, by joint efforts, it will be possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to a solution.  I
strongly
believe that this approach will bear fruit.

IELTS essay Saving the environment during school lessons

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
200 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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