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Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? n51l
Today, businesses tend to use online tools to do meetings, discussions and also training. I think this approach brings more benefits than the drawbacks to the company. There are a number of reasons why working online can pose certain disadvantages. Firstly, these types of events reduce people's connections. Speakers and listeners usually do not have real face-to-face encounters because we just hear and respond through a computer. As a result, people often do not pay full attention to the events and may feel bored or do something else instead of listening to the spokesperson. Secondly, it is important to have a good internet connection to attend online meetings or discussion and it is sometimes hard for us. If your internet speed is not stable, it may cause some disruptions or delays in your voice and image which make people feel uncomfortable to follow. On the other hand, holding these events online provide some undeniable benefits. First of all, it helps to cut the cost for the businesses. For example, they will not need to make their employees travel to attend in the main location of the event. All the materials for the event such as training documents, leaflets or handbooks can be converted to online contents too. In addition, online meetings or training are really helpful in terms of reuse and reexamine. Most of the events are usually recorded and stored online, therefore people can revisit it anytime to get more insights or reuse it for another event. To conclude, it seems the advantages of doing business meetings, discussion and training are certain and brings a lot of profit to businesses.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
tools to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
, discussions and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this approach brings more benefits than the drawbacks to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

There are a number of reasons why working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
can pose certain disadvantages.
Firstly
, these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's connections. Speakers and listeners
usually
do not have real face-to-face encounters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
hear and respond through a computer.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do not pay full attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and may feel bored or do something else
instead
of listening to the spokesperson.
Secondly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
internet connection to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
or discussion and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for us. If your internet speed is not stable, it may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disruptions or delays in your voice and image which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel uncomfortable to follow.

On the other hand
, holding these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
undeniable benefits.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the cost for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
.
For example
, they will not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their employees travel to attend in the main location of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
. All the materials for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
documents, leaflets or handbooks can
be converted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
contents too.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
are
really
helpful in terms of reuse and reexamine. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are
usually
recorded and stored
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
,
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can revisit it anytime to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more insights or reuse it for another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.

To conclude
, it seems the advantages of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
, discussion and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
are certain and brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
profit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
.
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IELTS essay Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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