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Some people think that illegal Internet downloads are having a negative effect on the music industry. Others feel that they have little or no impact on artists. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that illegal Internet downloads are having a negative effect on the music industry. Others feel that they have little or no impact on artists. 9g6W
First, would love to say thank you to the internet because of that we can connect to anyone, anywhere in the world easily within a minutes. secondly, I believe not everyone is enough capable to purchase or download the original music albums. Music is for everyone regardless of rich or poor everyone should able to enjoy it does not matter how they going to download it whether its original website or duplicate! Thirdly, at some point there may be some amount of loss in music industry's profit but I do not think there will any effect on artists. for instance, Artist get money because of there art and while composing any music they never think about like this music should be only for rich people. At Last, I strongly believe there will be no effect on artist by illegal internet downloading.
First
, would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to say thank you to the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that we can connect to anyone, anywhere in the world
easily
within
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a minute" or simply "minutes"?
a minutes
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
, I believe not everyone is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
capable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
or download the original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
albums.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is for everyone regardless of rich or poor everyone
Did you mean "should be able"?
should able
to enjoy it does not matter how
Did you mean "they're going", "they are going", or "they were going"?
they going
to download it whether its original website or duplicate!
Thirdly
, at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point there may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of loss in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
industry's profit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there will any effect on artists.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance, Artist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of there art and while composing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
they never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about like this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

At Last, I
strongly
believe there will be no effect on artist by illegal internet downloading.

IELTS essay Some people think that illegal Internet downloads are having a negative effect on the music industry. Others feel that they have little or no impact on artists.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
141 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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