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some people think that museum should be enjoyable for entertainment, while others believe that it should educate people. Discuss both views and give your opinion

some people think that museum should be enjoyable for entertainment, while others believe that it should educate people. Discuss both views and give your opinion EM7x
Museums are becoming increasingly popular day by day as tourist attraction. Many individuals believe that the aim of museums is to entertain people while others argue that it should serve the purpose of spreading knowledge. In my perspective, the goal of a museum should educate the pupils in a way that can be attractive and enjoyable to them. This essay will discuss both views and my opinion about the goal of museums. Museums have been used for decades as a means of entertainment to the people of different ages. It is one of the best suited places for refreshment and reduction of stress which becomes more appealing to the individuals through the addition of extra entertaining features. For illustration, different types of entertainment facilities including story telling, gameshows are making it more attractive to the people day by day. So, museums should be as more enjoyable as possible to attract more individuals. On the contrary, educating the customers is the main goal of museums. Peoples from different parts of the world used to explore the renowned museums with the aim to increase their knowledge about the history, animals and celestial bodies. For instance, most of the visitors show their interests to learn about the history of each and every staffs that are being displayed in the museums. Hence, educating individuals is the main goal of the museums which must be served by it. To recapitulate, museums serve both the purpose of entertaining individuals and educate them. However, I believe the museums should serve their main goal of educating visitors in a attractive way to ensure the visitors are not getting bored and enjoying to learn new staffs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
are becoming
increasingly
popular day by day as tourist attraction.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
believe that the aim of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is to entertain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
while others argue that it should serve the purpose of spreading knowledge. In my perspective, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
should educate the pupils in a way that can be attractive and enjoyable to them. This essay will discuss both views and my opinion about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
of museums.

Museums have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for decades as a means of entertainment to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ages. It is one of the best suited places for refreshment and reduction of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
which becomes more appealing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
through the addition of extra entertaining features. For illustration,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of entertainment facilities including story telling,
Possible spelling mistake found.
gameshows
are making it more attractive to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
day by day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should be as more enjoyable as possible to attract more individuals.

On the contrary
, educating the customers is the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Peoples
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to explore the renowned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
with the aim to increase their knowledge about the history, animals and celestial bodies.
For instance
, most of the visitors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their interests to learn about the history of each and every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "staff"?
staffs
that are
being displayed
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
Hence
, educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
is the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be served
by it.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
serve both the purpose of entertaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and educate them.
However
, I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should serve their main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
of educating visitors
Consider replacing "in a attractive way" with the adverb for "attractive"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a attractive way
to ensure the visitors are not getting bored and
The verb 'enjoying' is used with the gerund form: "enjoying learning".
enjoying to learn
new staffs.
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IELTS essay some people think that museum should be enjoyable for entertainment, while others believe that it should educate people. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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