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rely on doctors too much and not take care of themselves

rely on doctors too much and not take care of themselves q0Jkr
Nowadays people become more and more relying on the healthcare system in all its spot in particular doctors. In this essay, I will highlight the main problem that visiting doctors with reason or without lead to and suggest some solutions to solve this issue. One of the main problems caused by patients who go to doctors excessively is a huge burden on the health services especially doctors. In other words, if any patient feels any normal pain like a simple headache and go directly to the doctor to find the cure to this pain without thinking about how they can help themselves and stop the things that cause this problem, for example, stop using the mobile phone too much or sleep enough hours. This action will play its part to waste doctors time to treat emergency and medical conditions which lead to putting doctors under a lot of pressure. In terms of solution, one useful idea might be to encourage and advise people to take care of their health by doing regular exercise, eating healthy and balanced food, avoiding eating too much junk food, which contains high levels of sugar, salt and fat. Also, we could solve this problem by letting people pay for illness and treatment if they have involved in that. For example, smokers people who smoke at full will, have to pay for that, because they have created this problem by this bad habit. In the end, people should be more educated about their healthy lifestyle and take care of themselves, not depend on doctors overly. The doctors don't have a magic wand to treat all diseases and find time for all cases. After all, they are humans with limited abilities.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more and more relying on the healthcare system in all its spot
in particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
. In this essay, I will highlight the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
that visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
with reason or without lead to and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to solve this issue.

One of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
caused by patients who go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
excessively
is a huge burden on the health services
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
.
In other words
, if any patient feels any normal pain like a simple headache and go
directly
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
to find the cure to this pain without thinking about how they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
themselves and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the things that cause this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
,
for example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
using the mobile phone too much or sleep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
hours. This action will play its part to waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
time to treat emergency and medical conditions which lead to putting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure.

In terms of solution, one useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
might be to encourage and advise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take care of their health by doing regular exercise, eating healthy and balanced food, avoiding eating too much junk food, which contains high levels of sugar, salt and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.

Also
, we could solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
by letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay for illness and treatment if they have involved in that.
For example
, smokers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who smoke at full will,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have created this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
by this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be more educated about their healthy lifestyle and take care of themselves, not depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
overly
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
don't have a magic wand to treat all diseases and find time for all cases.
After all
, they are humans with limited abilities.
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IELTS essay rely on doctors too much and not take care of themselves

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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