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Recent years, the number of crimes committed by young people in major cities throughout the world has been increasing. Why this has happened and how to deal with this problem?

Recent years, the number of crimes committed by young people in major cities throughout the world has been increasing. Why this has happened and how to deal with this problem? PVX8g
In current times, there is a great number of teenagers committing crimes in urban area, especially in big cities. I am going to outline some causes of this phenomenon and simultaneously suggest several ways in order to decrease this proportion, as well as prepare and prevent better in the future. To begin with, there are two main reasons leading to the rate of young crimes. First of all, children's morals, personalities and behaviors are mostly shaped by the surrounding environment where they are born and living. Accordingly, what young generation become in the future is based on upbringings, education, as well as parents. For instance, if a child was born in a family, which has assiduous father and graceful mother, that boy or girl, without a doubt, will grow up well-behaved and diligently. Similarly, if his or her parents pay excessive indulgences, the character of the child will be affected badly. Nevertheless, somehow, it is not true for all circumstances, which are also influenced by the society. As we know, cities consist of bad things, such as criminals, social evils, racism, violence, and so on. Therefore, lots of youngsters are tempted and compelled to do such illegal things, as they cannot control themselves before attractive sayings. In my opinion, there is a number of good preparation that individuals can equip and hinder themselves from being bad people. Firstly, students should be taught about the awareness and respect of obeying laws at school, as well as understanding about criminology. Secondly, the government must bring out stricter punishments for all kinds of criminal, especially which are related to implication of juveniles. Thirdly, specific parenting courses could be designed for parents to look after and guarantee that their children develop well, also to tackle common issues in families. In summarize, due to the environment and social problems, people of young age are easily involved in sinning. Yet, better education, stern rules, as well as parenting classes are the best solutions for decreasing this ratio.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
times, there is a great number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
committing crimes in urban area,
especially
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities. I am going to outline
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes of this phenomenon and
simultaneously
suggest several ways in order to decrease this proportion, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as prepare and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
better in the future.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are two main reasons leading to the rate of young crimes.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, children's morals, personalities and behaviors are
mostly
shaped by the surrounding environment where they
are born
and living.
Accordingly
, what young generation become in the future
is based
on upbringings, education, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as parents.
For instance
, if a child
was born
in a family, which has assiduous father and graceful mother, that boy or girl, without a doubt, will grow up well-behaved and
diligently
.
Similarly
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
parents pay excessive indulgences, the character of the child will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
badly
.
Nevertheless
, somehow, it is not true for all circumstances, which are
also
influenced by the society. As we know, cities consist of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things, such as criminals, social evils, racism, violence, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Therefore
, lots of youngsters
are tempted
and compelled to do such illegal things, as they cannot control themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
attractive sayings.

In my opinion, there is a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
preparation that individuals can equip and hinder themselves from being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Firstly
, students should
be taught
about the awareness and respect of obeying laws at school, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as understanding about criminology.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
bring out stricter punishments for all kinds of criminal,
especially
which
are related
to implication of juveniles.
Thirdly
, specific parenting courses could
be designed
for parents to look after and guarantee that their children develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
,
also
to tackle common issues in families.

In summarize, due to the environment and social problems,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of young age are
easily
involved in sinning.
Yet
, better education, stern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as parenting classes are the best solutions for decreasing this ratio.
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IELTS essay Recent years, the number of crimes committed by young people in major cities throughout the world has been increasing. Why this has happened and how to deal with this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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