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Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. with this opinion? nKlK
Nowadays, there is an increase in cases of youngsters under the age of 18 committing violent crimes. Some psychologists attribute this as a result of the lack of much needed social and emotional learning given by their parents and teachers. In my opinion, to a huge extent I disagree to this statement. Firstly, in this globalized society, I think youngsters are exposed to a lot of outside influences rather than just from their parents and teachers. Through the advancement of technology, they are exposed to the internet in their daily lives and the contents that they browse can largely affect their behavior and emotions. For example, YouTube is a platform that allow users to stream millions of videos for free. Sometimes there are inappropriate contents being uploaded and it might be misleading to some youngsters. These influences can change a person’s mindset overtime and might potentially be a reason for the behavior of youngsters. Secondly, I think that the influence of parents and teachers are not significant in today’s society compared to decades ago. Even though parents and teachers always try their best to be the youngsters’ role models at all times, the youngsters’ might not take it seriously. For instance, young people usually think that their parents’ nags are annoying. In addition, they might attribute their parents’ actions as being old fashioned, neglecting their parents’ words. Furthermore, I personally think that it is difficult for teachers to provide significant support socially and emotionally to a student because a teacher needs to take care of too many students. However, to a lesser extent, parents and teachers can have some influence to youngsters too. Sometimes with more patience and care socially and emotionally, the adults can guide youngsters into correct paths. The reason being sometimes youngsters are at the rebellious stage and much patience is needed for them to open up. In conclusion, I disagree that youngsters commit violent crimes due to the lack of social and emotional support provided by parents and teachers; but to a small extent, parents and teachers are also important figures that can influence a youngster’s life.
Nowadays, there is an increase in cases of youngsters under the age of 18 committing violent

crimes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
psychologists attribute this
as a result
of the lack of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
social and

emotional learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers.

In my opinion, to a huge extent I disagree to this statement.
Firstly
, in this globalized society, I

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
youngsters
are exposed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influences
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and

teachers. Through the advancement of technology, they
are exposed
to the internet in their daily

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and the contents that they browse can
largely
affect their behavior and emotions. For

example, YouTube is a platform that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
users to stream millions of videos for free.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes


there are inappropriate contents
being uploaded
and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be misleading to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youngsters.

These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influences
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
a person’s mindset overtime and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
potentially
be a reason for

the behavior of youngsters.

Secondly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are not significant in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society

compared to decades ago.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
always try their best to be the

youngsters’ role models at all times, the youngsters’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not take it
seriously
.
For instance
,

young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
nags are annoying.
In addition
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
attribute

their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
actions as being
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
, neglecting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
words.
Furthermore
, I

personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
to provide significant support
socially
and

emotionally
to a student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
needs to take care of too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students.

However
, to a lesser extent,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
to youngsters too.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
with more patience and care
socially
and
emotionally
, the adults can guide youngsters

into correct paths. The reason being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
youngsters are at the rebellious stage and much

patience
is needed
for them to open up.

In conclusion
, I disagree that youngsters commit violent crimes due to the lack of social and

emotional support provided by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
extent,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers

are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
figures that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youngster’s
life.
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IELTS essay Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
351 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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