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The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. Xd1q
Obesity has become the prone reason for various health diseases. The escalating rate of obese patient is inclining the burden on the health sector. Many believe that it would be a great idea to deal with this issue if the education system incorporates more physical related lessons in the syllabus. I completely agree that learning about how to maintain the health at a primary level would be extremely helpful in coping with the overweight. Sedentary life style and unhealthy eating habits such as prefer junk food is considered as the main cause of uncontrollable weight. It is a magnificent solution, if more physical learning lessons will introduce in the school since children follow more what they learned from their teachers. By owning this, they would always be concerns about their health and will always try to adapt healthy habits. To illustrate this, from the recent study in China, 50% students were motivated to remain fit as that fitness eventually help them to win the medal in the sports. With this, they were compelled to do regular exercise and leaving inactive lifestyles. Apart from this, including physical education in the syllabus not only motivate the students, even parents are also encouraged to choose health activities to set an example for their children. In other words, guardians have to assist their children in completing homework related to physical education and have to took participate with their children in the games. For example, when I was in school, we had a physical education subject in which my parents had to participate in the game during the sport week of the year. To conclude, the health problems are increasing at an alarming rate that needs to be overlooked sooner. To decrease the stress on the government of the health care system, academic institutions should involve more physical fitness subjects to create a healthy and bright future.
Obesity has become the prone reason for various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
diseases. The escalating rate of obese patient is inclining the burden on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
sector.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that it would be a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to deal with this issue if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system incorporates more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
related lessons in the syllabus. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that learning about how to maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
at a primary level would be
extremely
helpful in coping with the overweight.

Sedentary life style and unhealthy eating habits such as prefer junk food
is considered
as the main cause of uncontrollable weight. It is a magnificent solution, if more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
learning lessons will introduce in the school since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
follow more what they learned from their teachers. By owning this, they would always be concerns about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and will always try to adapt healthy habits. To illustrate this, from the recent study in China, 50% students
were motivated
to remain fit as that fitness
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to win the medal in the sports. With this, they
were compelled
to do regular exercise and leaving inactive lifestyles.

Apart from this, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in the syllabus not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
motivate the students, even parents are
also
encouraged to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
activities to set an example for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In other words
, guardians
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
assist their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in completing homework related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
took participate with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the games.
For example
, when I was in school, we had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
subject in which my parents had to participate in the game during the sport week of the year.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems are increasing at an alarming rate that needs to
be overlooked
sooner. To decrease the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care system, academic institutions should involve more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness subjects to create a healthy and bright future.

IELTS essay The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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