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Recent advances in air travel have focused only on those sitting in first class and have left other passengers with no benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Recent advances in air travel have focused only on those sitting in first class and have left other passengers with no benefits. 6DK0
Travelling through airplanes is consider to be quickest mode. however, recent advancement in air travel make sure the safety of the passengers but are more focused only one those sitting in first class and have left other people with no benefits which is need to be pondered upon. According to my perception, I strongly believe that the major benefit which all the passengers travelled through airlines is the safety of their lives which have to be fulfilled. however, numerous pleasure are given to those sitting in first class and left other people with no travelling benefits such as food facilities, beverages, easy access with co ordinators, etc. which make their journey more comfortable. the first class people has priority check in which easier as well as more convenient. they were allowed for additional baggage and experience. the bigger as well as better seat. they provided many facilities pillow, blankets, nice cancelling headphones, bigger screen and more various modes of entertainment. On the contrary, other people how travel in economic class purchase cheap tickets to travel domestic or in other countries which is affordable by common people too and experience the quickest mode of transport. however all benefits were not as same as of first class. In the epilogue, travelling through airplane are more comfortable and enjoyed in the first class or business class whenever they are on vacation.
Travelling through airplanes is
Consider using a past participle here: "considered".
consider
to be
A determiner is probably missing here: "the quickest".
quickest
mode.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, recent advancement in air travel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure the safety of the passengers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are more focused
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one those sitting in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
which
is need
to
be pondered
upon. According to my perception, I
strongly
believe that the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
which all the passengers travelled through airlines is the safety of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be fulfilled
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, numerous pleasure are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to those sitting in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with no travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
such as food facilities, beverages, easy access with
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
co ordinators
, etc. which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their journey more comfortable.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
priority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
in which easier
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
well as more convenient.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
for additional baggage and experience.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
bigger
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
well as better seat.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
provided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facilities pillow, blankets, nice cancelling headphones, bigger screen and more various modes of entertainment.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
how travel in economic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
tickets to travel domestic or in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries which is affordable by common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
too and experience the quickest mode of transport.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
however
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
were not as same as of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. In the epilogue, travelling through airplane are more comfortable and enjoyed in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
or business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
whenever they are on vacation.
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IELTS essay Recent advances in air travel have focused only on those sitting in first class and have left other passengers with no benefits.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
228 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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