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reading culture is vanish in children nowadays what do you think, give oipinion

reading culture is vanish in children nowadays what do you think, give oipinion AP6aN
We can clearly point out that kids these day are not as passionate about reading as kids in the past. This essay will show you that the principal causes of this problem is coming from technology devices, social platforms and parents. First of all, in this 4. 0 era, everyone are capable of access the internet and children are the most affected generation because they have using technology at a young age. This lead to kids will no longer enjoy reading due to the fact that these social platforms are more attracted and interesting to kids. Technology devices can help them find information in a promptly way, and instead of spending minutes or hours searching in a book, they could have what they want in less than a second. Second, living standard are gradually increasing so wanted or not parents have to work so hard to provide their kids the best life. However the times between kids and their parents will be lessening, and this lead to kids may not be able to contact to books, comics, . . . . A research showed that only one book a person approximately reads only one book in a year and this happened because the reading habits are not formed when they were a child. In conclusion social platforms and the parents' ignorance are the main cause of why kids do not interested in reading like the kids in old days. Facing this vanishment in reading cultural, it is vital that we should spent more times building kids's interest in reading.
We can
clearly
point out that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
Did you mean "this day" or "these days"?
these day
are not as passionate about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in the past. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
you that the principal causes of this problem is coming from technology devices, social platforms and parents.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in this 4. 0
Possible agreement error. The noun 'era' seems to be countable, so consider using: "eras".
era
, everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "is", "was", "were".
are
capable of access the internet and children are the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have using technology at a young age. This lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will no longer enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
due to the fact that these social platforms are more attracted and interesting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. Technology devices can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them find information in a
You used an adverb ('promptly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('way') instead of another adjective.
promptly way
, and
instead
of spending minutes or hours searching in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
, they could have what they want in less than a second.

Second, living standard are
gradually
increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
wanted or not parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to provide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
the best life.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the times between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and their parents will be lessening, and this lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
may not be able to contact to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, comics
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
a person approximately reads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
in a year and this happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
habits are not formed when they were a child.

In conclusion
social platforms and the parents' ignorance are the main cause of why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
do not interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days. Facing this
Possible spelling mistake found.
vanishment
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
cultural, it is vital that we should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "spend"
spent
more times building
Did you mean "kid's" or "kids'"?
kids's
interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
.
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IELTS essay reading culture is vanish in children nowadays what do you think, give oipinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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