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Radio will no longer be able to hold its presence as television and Internet media will replace it very soon. Do you agree or disagree?

Radio will no longer be able to hold its presence as television and Internet media will replace it very soon. gYQwA
The invention of new media has always posed a challenge to the older ones. The old medium is replaced by new one or losses its dominant position. However, many people forecast that radio will lose its prevalence due to the popularity of television and Internet. In my opinion, I wholeheartedly concur with the notion. Admittedly, television will reign over radio. Unlike radio, television is an audio-visual medium, and the current generation tends to watch television more than listening radio. For instance, whenever any especial event comes, I turn off the radio and go to watching television. Similarly, in the case of any live program or sports events, people prefer television rather than radio. Most importantly, television provides the viewers with a sneak peak, live footage of what is coming about locally, nationally, and globally nowadays. Because of various kinds of communication things it offers, television has the prospect to win the radio’s position. Likewise, Internet has declared a new horizon of communication. People are able to keep in touch with family, friends, relatives, and colleagues from anywhere in the globe. Not only can they talk face to face, but also they can follow one another through several social networks like Google Plus, Twitter, Facebook, and so on. Another key point to remember, Internet has brought a revolutionary change in conventional news broadcasting like radio. The e-papers offer news in the blink of eyes. Whenever anything happens anywhere across the globe, it gets published on the Internet in a matter of minutes. In addition, internet is the huge ocean of entertainment. Millions of songs, movies, dramas, novels, poetry are found on the Internet. The Internet, thus, puts it ahead of radio. In conclusion, the evidence points almost exclusively to the argument that television and Internet will degrade radio current position.
The invention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
media has always posed a challenge to the older ones. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
medium
is replaced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
one or losses its dominant position.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
forecast that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
will lose its prevalence due to the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and Internet. In my opinion, I
wholeheartedly
concur with the notion.

Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
will reign over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
. Unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is an audio-visual medium, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
more than listening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
.
For instance
, whenever any especial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
, I turn off the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
and go to watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
Similarly
, in the case of any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
program or sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
. Most
importantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
provides the viewers with a
Did you mean "sneak peek" (=preview)?
sneak peak
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
footage of what is coming about
locally
,
nationally
, and globally nowadays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of various kinds of communication things it offers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has the prospect to win the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio’s
position.

Likewise
, Internet has declared a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
horizon of communication.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with family, friends, relatives, and colleagues from anywhere in the globe. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can they talk face to face,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can follow one another through several social networks like Google Plus, Twitter, Facebook, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Another key point to remember, Internet has brought a revolutionary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
broadcasting like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
. The e-papers offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in the blink of eyes. Whenever anything happens anywhere across the globe, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
published on the Internet in a matter of minutes.
In addition
, internet is the huge ocean of entertainment. Millions of songs, movies, dramas, novels, poetry
are found
on the Internet. The Internet,
thus
, puts it ahead of radio.

In conclusion
, the evidence points almost exclusively to the argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and Internet will degrade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
position.
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IELTS essay Radio will no longer be able to hold its presence as television and Internet media will replace it very soon.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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