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Discuss both sides of living in the same city

Discuss both sides of living in the same city 3nxl
At a time in which, the desire of going to foreign countries is coming up. In this circumstance, some people opine that leaving the country for creating better facilities and improving their kinds of skills are vital, while others say living in the same city for the rest of people's life is much better than migration. Some compelling reasons are set forth by the supporters of both sides, into which this essay will provide a brief insight. On the one hand, humans prefer to going to the abroad for learning their communication. That is to say, when a person talk with foreigner, its interpersonal treatment culture may appear. Equally importantly, immigrants can find profitable job for their future career. Hence, despite being a struggling move people consider shifting to a developed place to upgrade themselves and earn more money. On the other hand, it has another type of people who wish to live life in the same area they have been living since their childhood. These individuals who prefer peace over money. To be more precise, there are a multitude of people making their own farming or business have to live in that area for expanding the factories. To tackle this issue, they are more inclined towards living a simple stress-free life than a contending one. In conclusion, it is this writer's view that migrating to abroad may be useful for people's future and achieving much knowledge, however, everyone should live in his or her motherland.
At a time in which, the desire of going to foreign countries is coming up. In this circumstance,
some
people
opine that leaving the country for creating better facilities and improving their kinds of
skills
are vital, while others say living in the same city for the rest of
people
's life is much better than migration.
Some
compelling reasons
are set
forth by the supporters of both sides, into which this essay will provide a brief insight.

On the one hand, humans prefer to
going
to the abroad for learning their communication.
That is
to say, when a person talk with foreigner, its interpersonal treatment culture may appear.
Equally
importantly
, immigrants can find profitable job for their future career.
Hence
, despite being a struggling
move
people
consider shifting to a developed place to upgrade themselves and earn more money.

On the other hand
, it has another type of
people
who wish to
live
life in the same area they have been living since their childhood. These individuals who
prefer peace over money
. To be more precise, there are a multitude of
people
making their
own
farming or business
have to
live
in that area for expanding the factories. To tackle this issue, they are more inclined towards living a simple
stress
-free life than a contending one.

In conclusion
, it is this writer's view that migrating to abroad may be useful for
people
's future and achieving much knowledge,
however
, everyone should
live
in
his or her
motherland.
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IELTS essay Discuss both sides of living in the same city

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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