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Providing job opportunities to the poor is better than giving them donations (e.g. in the form of money, food, clothes, etc.). What is your opinion?

Providing job opportunities to the poor is better than giving them donations (e. g. in the form of money, food, clothes, etc. ). What is your opinion? rwLJ
Job is an occupation or responsibility upon someone and the person will get paid as long as the duties performed. Meanwhile, donation is a charity or contribution which exists in various forms aimed to help people in need. Donations provide a lot of benefits for the poor. However, I strongly believe that providing job opportunities to the poor is much better than giving them donations due to the poor can sustain their financial supply and they also can have more proper work. Firstly, providing job opportunities to the poor can help them in sustaining their financial supply. When they get permanent jobs, they will have a consistent salary which is a fixed income. Hence, they can use the money to buy the necessaries for the family. For example, the poor get a job at a restaurant with a particular salary provided for each month, with that income, they can plan their expenditure for food and clothes for every month. In contrast, donations cannot help the poor in retaining their financial supply because the aid only provided at one particular time. Thus, providing job opportunities to the poor surely can help them maintain their financial support. On the other hand, by providing job opportunities to the poor, explicitly they will be having more proper work. When the poor get particular jobs, it depicts that they have a proper duty to be implemented. Thus, they do not have to go out asking for alms from other people. For instance, if the poor get a cashier job at a supermarket, that means they get a better duty, instead of asking food from people on the street. Conversely, giving donations cannot provide the poor a proper duty as they can only keep depending on the charity. Therefore, providing job opportunities to the poor undeniably can hand them better proper work. In conclusion, providing job opportunities to the poor is better than giving them donations due to two strong reasons cited which are, the poor can sustain their financial supply and they also can have more proper work. Lastly, the government should help the poor by providing more job opportunities to them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
is an occupation or responsibility upon someone and the person will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid as long as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
duties
performed. Meanwhile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donation
is a charity or contribution which exists in various forms aimed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in need.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Donations
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
.
However
, I
strongly
believe that providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
is much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than giving them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
can sustain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
supply and
they
also
can have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
work.

Firstly
, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in sustaining their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supply
. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, they will have a consistent salary which is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
income.
Hence
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the necessaries for the family.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
at a restaurant with a particular salary provided for each month, with that income, they can plan their expenditure for food and clothes for every month.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
in retaining their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the aid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provided at one particular time.
Thus
, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
surely
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support.

On the other hand
, by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
,
explicitly
they will be having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
work. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, it depicts that they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
duty
to
be implemented
.
Thus
, they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go out asking for alms from other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For instance
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a cashier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
at a supermarket, that means they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
duty
,
instead
of asking food from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on the street.
Conversely
, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
cannot provide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
duty
as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
depending on the charity.
Therefore
, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
undeniably
can hand them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
work.

In conclusion
, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than giving them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
due to two strong reasons cited which are, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
can sustain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
supply and
they
also
can have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
work.
Lastly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
by providing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to them.
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IELTS essay Providing job opportunities to the poor is better than giving them donations (e. g. in the form of money, food, clothes, etc. ). What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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