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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people with different cultures and ages together.

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people with different cultures and ages together. 88ar
It is thought that listening to music is a healthy way of meeting new people with difference of cultures and age group. I strongly agree with this opinion. Simultaneously, I believe that music has created many bonds between people with different social backgrounds. First of all, the reason I would agree with this idea is because, Music could create a relationship or friendship between strangers. If two distinguishable people meet at some place, both hearing to the same music there will be a wavelength created between them and the two could spend more time with each other. Music helps you depict about a person’s current mood. For example, If the individual is happy, he will listen to Pop or other kind of happy music and if he is sad he would rather choose hearing sorrowful tunes. Secondly, I believe that you can gain contacts and develop yourself a Friend circle, which hears to the similar type of music you hear. And I also think that, listening to music in a group could also lead to joy and happiness together. For instance, In a house both father and son listen to music. They sometimes discuss between themselves about the current trend of music and how it was on the older days. This period of talk make them feel happy and know about their likes and dislikes. Overall, I will conclude by saying that music has always brought people with different backgrounds together. And In future, this should be followed by the next generation.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a healthy way of meeting new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with difference of cultures and age group. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.
Simultaneously
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
bonds between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
social backgrounds.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the reason I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
could create a relationship or friendship between strangers. If two distinguishable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
place, both hearing to the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
there will be a wavelength created between them and the two could spend more time with each other.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
you depict about a person’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
mood.
For example
, If the individual is happy, he will listen to Pop or other kind of happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and if he is sad he would
rather
choose hearing sorrowful tunes.

Secondly
, I believe that you can gain contacts and develop yourself a Friend circle, which hears to the similar type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
you hear. And I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in a group could
also
lead to joy and happiness together.
For instance
, In a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
both father and son listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
discuss between themselves about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and how it was on the older days. This period of talk
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel happy and know about their likes and dislikes.

Overall
, I will conclude by saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has always brought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds together. And
Did you mean: "In the future"?
In future
, this should
be followed
by the
next
generation.
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IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people with different cultures and ages together.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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