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Providing job opportunities to the poor is better than giving them donations (e.g. in the form of money, food, clothes, etc.). What is your opinion?

Providing job opportunities to the poor is better than giving them donations (e. g. in the form of money, food, clothes, etc. ). What is your opinion? Yq9Q
Providing job opportunities to various walks of life regardless of their backgrounds is one of the most important behaviours that employees should do. However, some employees say that giving donations to the poor is crucial instead of providing them a job but some say not because both have their own advantages and disadvantages. In my opinion, I believe that providing job opportunities to the poor is better than giving them donations due to the fact that providing job opportunities help the poor in enhancing their social upbringing and improving their economics. First and foremost, providing job opportunities to the poor is better than giving them donations because it helps the poor to enhance their socialization among communities. This is because they can meet a lot of people and widen their circle when they work. When they work, they will be confident to communicate and negotiate with other people as well as job opportunities benefit them in making new friends. In addition, when they have the jobs, it will also teach them how to cooperate with each other thus indirectly it builds good characteristics in their life. On the other hand, when the poor get the donations, it may deficit their socialization because they just stay at one place to wait for donations. In fact, they also do not mingle around with other people because they are not going anywhere and also they only know the people who give donations to them. Hence, it may cause a gap between the poor and other people because they are not familiar with each other. As a result, job opportunities positively enhance their social upbringing as well as develop good characteristics rather than donations given to them. To add another point, as compared to giving the poor some donations, providing job opportunities to them can improve their economics. This is because, when they have jobs, they can guarantee their source of financial income. Thus, it may reduce the burden of their financial matters because they will get a salary at the end of the month. Besides that, they will not only depend on other donations anymore because they have their own money. In fact, when they have their own guaranteed financial income, they tend to rent the house and buy some food by themselves for them to survive their life better regardless of the dependence on donations. On the contrary, giving donations in forms of money, food and clothes may help them to reduce their burden, but it will not last longer. When they are running out of money, they cannot buy some food anymore thus it may affect their health. Therefore, improving the poor’s economics is one of the vital reasons why offering job opportunities to them is better than giving them donations. In conclusion, helping the poor in terms of enhancing their social upbringing and improving their economics are the reasons why providing job opportunities to the poor is better than giving them donations. Hence, every walk of life needs to be aware of this behaviour to make sure that no one is left behind.
Providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to various walks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
regardless of their backgrounds is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
that employees should do.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employees say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
is crucial
instead
of providing them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages and disadvantages. In my opinion, I believe that providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
due to the fact that providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
in enhancing their social upbringing and improving their economics.

First
and foremost, providing
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job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
to enhance their socialization among communities. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
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people
and widen their circle when they work. When they work, they will be confident to communicate and negotiate with
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
benefit them in making new friends.
In addition
, when they have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, it will
also
teach them how to cooperate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
thus
indirectly
it builds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
characteristics in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
, it
The word 'deficit' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
may deficit
their socialization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
stay at one place to wait for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
. In fact, they
also
do not mingle around with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not going anywhere and
also
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
know the
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people
who give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
to them.
Hence
, it may cause a gap between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not familiar with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
positively
enhance their social upbringing
as well
as develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
characteristics
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
another point, as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to them can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their economics. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, when they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, they can guarantee their source of financial income.
Thus
, it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden of their financial matters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a salary at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the month.
Besides
that, they will not
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
only


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
depend
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
anymore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
money. In fact, when they have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
guaranteed financial income, they tend to rent the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
food by themselves for them to survive their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
regardless of the dependence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
in forms of money, food and clothes may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their burden,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will not last longer. When they are running out of money, they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
food
Make sure that 'anymore' is used as an adverb, not as an adjective. Did you mean "any more"?
anymore
thus
it may affect their health.
Therefore
, improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor’s
economics is one of the vital reasons why offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to them is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
them donations.

In conclusion
, helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
in terms of enhancing their social upbringing and improving their economics are the reasons why providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
donations
.
Hence
, every walk of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
needs to be aware of this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that no one is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
behind.
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IELTS essay Providing job opportunities to the poor is better than giving them donations (e. g. in the form of money, food, clothes, etc. ). What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
513 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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