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Proud of myself and others

Proud of myself and others 8xnK5
I was asked to be part of a volunteering team at one of the universities in my city. They assigned me as one of the work leaders. The university asked us to solve the parking problem on the main campus. An idea came up to paint the parking lot one by one to specify each park from the other. We bought paints and decided to paint the parking the next day. When the time came, not all the volunteers showed up. However, we completed the work. We also allocated space for disabled parking, and it was clearly signed posted. Despite the fact that not a lot of people were present, every time I visited the university, I felt proud because what we have done has helped many people. “A story that made me unsatisfied” When I was 15 years old, I worked in a group with four people. We intended to make a film that shows our abilities in the film industry. We had instructors with us who were responsible for teaching our group. The instructors asked us about the story we want to make, some of us gave examples, then we decided to write a script. For me, I had great stories, but at that time I was too shy to talk about them. After that, we started shooting, but some of us were not passionate about the film that is why they did not attend when we started shooting. This opportunity has taught me two things. Firstly, not to be shy and talk about what I feel. Secondly, It taught me that choosing the right people to work with is essential because if they were not passionate about the movie, they would not show up at the right time, and the movie will not be good.
I
was asked
to be part of a volunteering team at one of the universities in my city. They assigned me as one of the work leaders. The university asked us to solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parking
problem on the main campus. An
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
came up to paint the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parking
lot one by one to specify each park from the other. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
paints and decided to paint the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parking
the
next
day. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
came, not all the volunteers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
up.
However
, we completed the work. We
also
allocated space for disabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parking
, and it was
clearly
signed posted. Despite the fact that not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were present, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
I visited the university, I felt proud
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
what we have done has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

“A story that made me unsatisfied”

When I was 15 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, I worked in a group with four
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. We intended to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a film that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
our abilities in the film industry. We had instructors with us who were responsible for teaching our group. The instructors asked us about the story we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of us gave examples, then we decided to write a script. For me, I had great stories,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
I was too shy to talk about them. After that, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
shooting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of us were not passionate about the film
that is
why they did not attend when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
shooting. This opportunity has taught me two things.
Firstly
, not to be shy and talk about what I feel.
Secondly
, It taught me that choosing the right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work with is essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they were not passionate about the movie, they would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up at the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and the movie will not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
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IELTS essay Proud of myself and others

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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